* golf announcer 1: i can't understand what you're saying.
golf announcer 2: oh, this isn't the mumblecore audition? i thought this was the mumblecore audition.
golf announcer 1: what?
* golf announcer 1: Tiger Woods! what are you doing here joining us?
Tiger Woods: hi, oh, well, y'know, just thought this would be a fun thing to career, not doing much anymore.
golf announcer 2: when are you gonna catch Jack?
Tiger Woods: don't want to talk about it.
* golf announcer 1: OMG i feel sick!
golf announcer 2: Montezuma's Revenge?
golf announncer 1: no, Miyazaki's Revenge, this is what all his movies are about, the revenge of nature!
* golf announcer 1: OMG IT'S THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!!
golf announcer 2: what the hell is that?
golf announcer 1: this is like the Apocalypse for atheists, we atheists get on our knees by our beds and pray hard every night to prevent this from happening, BUT IT STILL HAPPENED!!!
* golf announcer 2: so Tiger, what do you think of the new guns coming for your crown: Spieth, Rory, Day?
Tiger Woods: shouldn't we be helping those poor people out there?
golf announcer 2: we're not actually at the golf course, we're broadcasting from a studio on the surface of Mars. want a water?
Tiger Woods: i'm good. and for the record, i do not like the Arnold Palmer.
golf announcer 1: whoa, legend vs. legend, open diss on national tv, breaking news.
Tiger Woods: yeah, i don't really have a sweet tooth, sensitive palate, the lemonade AND the iced tea, it's just too much.
* Tiger Woods: USE THE WOOD, NOT THE IRON! THE WOOD STAKE!
* golf announcer 1: hate to bring this up now, but it is still Seafood Sunday.
Tiger Woods: too soon, man.
golf announcer 1: i know it's just i'd hate to lose the reservation..............they have the best calamari in town.
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