Monday, October 5, 2015



1. at your best friend's wedding you definitely know his/her spouse-to-be is having an affair with the best man/maid of honor. you see secret disheveled hair and everything. what do you do? ruin the big day or prevent him/her marrying a cheater? a) spill b) don't snitch c) confrontation with the cheater d) when the officiant says, "if anyone has a beef with this union, sing like a canary now or else snitches get stitches," you sing like a canary. this happened to me. i lost the cheater who was my best friend, the best friend who was my best friend, his wife-to-be who was my best friend, and the officiant who was my best friend and took me round back and demanded to know where his donuts were he sent me out to get. one bright spot: all the disheveled hair inspired me to open up my own hair salon.

2. if you saw someone shoplifting, what would you do? CLICK HERE

3. a train is barreling down the tracks towards five people. long story short, the only way to stop the train is to push the heavy man next to you over the bridge and onto the track, killing him but saving the five people. what do you do? this is the type of stuff that Batman has to wrestle with everyday whenever the Joker gets in one of his moods. Doctor Who with Davros. would you kill child Hitler? i probably would but then the episode would end with me actually being the man who is pushed over the bridge. then Rod Serling would come out and sum up the proceedings in his philosophical way...and then he'd try to sell you a pack of smokes.

4. if you knew no one would ever find out, would you fool around with your attractive in-law? what would you do? a) make it clear: not interested b) continue just flirting c) fuel up your sexual fantasies starring them d) let's get physical, physical this happened to me. i made it clear: not interested. then we fucked. my high fantasy turned into a low fantasy. no one ever knew, but i knew. i picked up a new pet bunny and a copy of The Tell-Tale Heart on my way home...

5. would you rather have one year off at your current rate of pay OR work your current job for a year at double your current rate of pay? that's a double negative.

bonus: why should anyone care what consenting adults do in private? exactly. who was it that said that a human being ceases to be a human being if said human being has no privacy? Socrates, right? did you know that Socrates's last name was Snowden?



Jules said...

Talky Tina!

1: Messy hair is always the answer to a problem
2: Nothing like shafting a few carrots up your fluesy; and then to give birth to a Sunday dinner..

Bonus: Going against the grain, blowing whistles and anti establishment were invented by Rod Sterling under the heavy influence of catnip roll ups.


the late phoenix said...

mah dahlin, Rod is still trying to get into the Illuminati. he tried to fight the Doctor's companion Tom Cruise and steal his sunglasses since the new Doctor's sonic sunglasses are in but he couldn't outrun Tom Cruise. then he told me about a grown-up Talky Tina terrorizing the universe. i didn't know what he meant so i asked him to send me a pic. he sent me a pic of Missy *)

Cheeky Minx said...

Does your salon specialise in beehives? I'm thinking you could store each of the "best friends" in your clients' hairy webs... ;-)

(PS Bonus answer is bonus brilliance...)

the late phoenix said...

cheeky: yep, that's Part 2 of the Twilight Zone episode, the beehives are actual beehives and everyone gets honeyed in the end. Socrates's middle name is PP which when roughly translated from the ancient Greek means The Password Is "Password" ;)