Monday, August 24, 2015


1. do you speak anything other than English? i speak fluent Destinos. also, i speak a patois of English and surferspeak called Phoenixese, like for example: "what up broseph, did you hang that gnarly empty wave at the infinity pool as the sun wailed before eating all those fish tacos?" which translates to something about physics and being a ladies man and the rest is in a silent pitch that can only be picked up by phoenixeseseseseseseses.

2. if yes above, are you fluent? what was your first language? this is my greatest shame, that i'm not fluent in my mother's tongue Spanish. excuse me while i rewind my Destinos tapes again. i speak fluent tvtropes, like i know what hammerspace is, but y'know when you bring up your tvtropes expertise in casual conversation everyone just thinks you're a dick.

3. did you study a foreign language in school? retain any of it? has it been useful? can you speak it or only read it? i asked my college professor if i could get College Spanish credits from all those hours i spent growing up watching Destinos. he saw right through me and accused me of only liking Destinos cos Raquel was hot.

4. if you were gonna learn another language, which one would it be? French, the language of love. i know how to say one French word: hamburger.

5. do you have relatives who speak a language different from your own? oh yes. i feel bad when i can't know what they're saying. words mean and feel different in their native tongue than as their boring English-translated counterparts. they're richer and cooler and have a deep connection to history as their original voiced pronunciation, lilt, and accent. like we all know saudade means saudade, that ineffable Brazilian melancholy. if you look up saudade in English, you get fish taco. thanks Google Translate

6. have you been to a country where you didn't know the language? how well did you cope? all i remember was waking up and i was so cold and sticky. and this giant furry man was trying to eat me. i tried to communicate with him but he was having none of it. i felt bad cos i know what it's like to be so hungry you could eat a tauntaun. food is the universal language. he finally calmed down after he ate me and we had a lovely conversation where we discussed his religion and his politics. btw, he's Vader and Trump. i love that wampa.



AVY said...

I'm proud to say my French is getting better. My dirty talk is actually pretty good.

/ Avy

the late phoenix said...

Avy i'm liking you more and more each day :)

Jules said...

I want to speak Phoenixese! I’m a quick learner. In return, I’ll teach you Francais, le language d’amour…deal?

the late phoenix said...

juli: that is one sweet deal, my sweet! between you, me, and Google translate, we shall be the prettiest Phoenixese practitioners in all the Parallels and promontories! *)

Jules said...

Ma douce Phoenix , je pense entre nous, nous ne pouvions écarter les galaxies . Sexe après 8 sur un double matelas flottant à travers les mondes de toujours. 8 *) Je t'aime mon bebe d'amour.