Monday, October 20, 2014


i'm tired of this. and i'm tired. now i have no mode of transport. i'm stuck inside my house. like usual. the walls are closing in. where are the flying cars? i was promised flying cars...

1. what CD is in your car's CD player? "Two Princes". that's the last song i heard on the CD format, the last time i touched a physical CD or had the occasion to use a CD player. once again, the Spin Doctors beat the odds and become historic.

2. turn on your car radio. what station is it turned to? Schweddy Balls on NPR.

3. what is in your glove box? gloves

4. any bumper stickers? GO FUDGE YOURSELF from a local cookie store i frequent.

5. any car stickers or car magnets? one time, i placed a refrigerator magnet on the hood of my car. the gravitational force was so strong it fucked up my engine. the engine couldn't start again. i called the towing guy to come pick it up. this happened just this morning.

6. when you drive, do you have a favorite beverage? yes, but i can't drink it cos i don't have a cup holder in my car. i only had money for either getting my rims done or the cup holder, not both. i had to make a choice.

7. what is the most unique thing about your car? it flies.

8. have you modified or decorated or enhanced your steering wheel? my WHIP glitters more than a teen heartthrob vampire. it's adorned everywhere with Shaggy Rogers stickers, Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. it's actually not a steering wheel anymore, it's a huge joystick. i love the feel of squeezing that ball atop that long cylinder.

9. if your normal mode of transport is a bicycle or motorcycle, what have you done to personalize it? i added an E.T. basket just in case. every full moon, i pop my head out my open window and scan for any long glowing fingers. most of the time i spot my neighbor waving at me with his infected red finger...

10. if your regular mode of transport is public---bus or subway---what do you do to pass the time on your rides? i tap people on the shoulder and ask them if they'd like to answer a few questions. when they start getting angry, i explain that it's for my youtube channel and that calms them down.

bonus: what is the sexiest thing in your car? you with those boss sunglasses on.

bonus bonus: what does your choice of personal or regular mode of transport say about you? that like the lyric i am a victim of this age. i'm not a car guy at all, i'm not macho like that, i prefer to walk everywhere. i loved it in college when i literally could walk everywhere: i could get a Slurpee at 7-Eleven on my way to the library. when i got kicked out of the library for bringing food in, i could walk to the BART and quickly be in San Fran for a concert and some grass, i mean concert on the grass. it was cool, free, and easy, and carless. without a car, without a care in the world.




Jules said...

Well that sounds like the best car in the world, all glittery and flying with shaggy stickers. Can you come fetch me in it and I promise to wear my Boss Sunglasses *)

the late phoenix said...

boss sunglasses are boss, but Hugo Boss sunglasses are Boss boss. now that i think of it, there are already flying cars, i mean you've got the Harry Potter car, the E.T. bicycle, the Sea Duck that every so often crash-lands in a jungle...*)

AtiyaLuv said...

LMAO! it flies!
what car you have? a DeLorean


the late phoenix said...

atiya: yes, unfortunately it's a DeLorean DMC-12 with the gull-wing doors but no flux capacitor :( *hugs*