Monday, December 16, 2013


1. if there is one saying you'd put on a T shirt, would would it be? LIFE CANNOT BE REDUCED TO A BUMPER STICKER...EXCEPT FOR WHAT I JUST DID THERE RIGHT NOW

2. if you were a vibrator, what speed would you be? the slowest possible, i'm more depressed than ever lately. my doctor says it's just holiday blues, but my doctor is a vet...

3. if you were a vibrator, which description best fits you?: small but mighty/ passion prober, gentle, easy, eventually gets you there/ big, rugged, pulsating/ jumping gyrator, feel it everywhere, you may go numb: i call dibs on Passion Prober for my next band name. but seriously, folks, i'm the best, i'm the greatest lover who has ever lived, come by my apart-, uh, house this Christmas and i'll show you, i'll spead my holiday cheer to all the women who have been naughty this year, my egg nog tastes the best, cum over and see...and peace of ass and good will toward my man stick.

4. you must give up a sex/kink act for the rest of your life. which one? was this decision hard or easy? how cum?: giving oral/ giving or receiving spanks/ oral on the ol' genitals/ nipple play (suck, fondle, lick, kiss, and the other one)/ french kiss aka soul kiss: kink act, i like that. soul kiss, i LOVE that! Olivia Newton-John is my soul mother! this decision was hard...that one was too easy.

5. in 10 words or less tell us about your most recent sexual encounter: turn on computer, wait for it to warm up, PORN.

bonus: Festivus is an awesome holiday. the main tenet of this tradition is to "air your grievances". what is your #1 grievance this year? that i didn't become a youtube celebrity, that there simply aren't enough followers on my youtube channel to get any traction at all and uploading more vids to it would be pointless, that all of my blood, sweat, and tears can't just add up to 4 views, no likes, 1 dislike, and no comments---can it?---that i'm giving up youtube and giving up my entire online life...that i will return to the computer tomorrow because i'm bored out of my skull <----that is the main internal eternal grievance i will wrestle with forever...

you know how TV Guide likes to exaggerate, but when they named Seinfeld as The Best Show Of All Time, well, they got one right.




Kazi G said...

This time of year doesn't do much for me, either! Still I hope you can grab some jolly from the infectiousness of your blogmates!

And I love how Dave got into the act... had not seen that one :)



Anonymous said...

hope life gets better. i totally get where you are coming from . been unemployed for 3 years at end of month. been doing odd jobs for friends for cash almost like i am bumming off them . sorry for the dialogue. Hang in there

Anonymous said...

I don't think they are counting the views the right way...there has to be more.

Happy Festivus. It was a great show, I'm still waiting on a reunion...;)

Anonymous said...

The graphics were With those you did not need to answer the questions. Hey, that Megyn lady is a NUT...scary.

3. Passion prober it is!

5. hahahahahaha! GREAT answer.

You are a funny man. I enjoy your bits/rants/answers.

Happy TMI Tuesday,


the late phoenix said...

kazi: it wasn't HAL's fault, he was just born that way.

sindee: i feel ya, my depression more than anything else has come to define me...

G: well, okay, there are 5 views...but that last view was me watching my own video...

H: my comedy comes from deep pain...coupled with holiday blues.

G and H, ha, love it :)

the late phoenix said...

yes, that show is my shiniest nostalgia arrow, in love with it.

Missed Periods said...

You're a YouTube celebrity to me!

the late phoenix said...

Jenny, leave a comment at my youtube channel, i'd love to talk with you about the meaning of life <3