Monday, November 18, 2013

TMIT: IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS TO NOTICE THE WORD "BEAT" IN THE BEATLES





sorry, folks, i'm not feeling good today, i'm in depressed mode, i was minding my own business last night playing dice on the corner in the back where the liquor store butts up against the church when some dude went out of his way to come up to me and call me a garbage ass. my feelings have been hurt ever since.

1. from erotica to sex blogs everyone is talking about their intense orgasms. are you experiencing the same level of intense orgasmic waves? wait, the stuff that's typed on sex blogs is REAL?!

2. real sex versus film/magazine sex. it seems when you experience real sex, it just isn't as glamorous as the sex depicted in the naughty films or even the classic films. you don't orgasm like that. what have you done to cultivate real sexual pleasure in your life? i'm still holding out hope that i will get to experience sex the Last Tango In Paris way. i've got my butter ready.

3. in the last 3 years, has your sexual pleasure waned/stayed the same/increased, enhanced, improved, intensified?: the history books only started taking written records a day ago. as for yesterday, i did experience an unheard-of burst of sexual energy...oh no, sorry, i think that was just me eating cereal.

4. if you cum more intensely than your partner, do you feel guilty and try to make up for the sexual deficit, or just go with the flow and be thankful for what you've got? sorry, but this question is getting me more depressed. i don't have a girlfriend and my Real Doll left me. i'd like to cum, but it just isn't the same anymore. i feel so guilty about so many things. i should have been straight-up with my Real Doll from the start and told her that this was a temporary arrangement, that it would only last for about a minute or so.

5. how important is it for you and your main squeeze to have simultaneous orgasms? very/somewhat/i'd be nice to once and awhile explode at the same time: i want to explode...at the same time...i want to go out a bedroom legend...what a way to go! we'd both cum so hard and so long and so simultaneously that the force would rip apart the space-time continuum and our united bodies would float up to Heaven. stories would be written about the super-couple that we were, stuff would be written on sex blogs...that stuff would be deleted because it was on sex blogs and none of that stuff is true.

bonus: is having an orgasm the same as sexual pleasure?: no, two different things. if you orgasm, you're lucky, count yourself amongst The Chosen and pray. if you don't or can't orgasm, it's okay, you weren't Chosen, but you can still hang out with me and eat cereal.

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5 comments:

AtiyaLuv said...

LMAO!!
#1 I think the only fictional blog in blogland is mine!

my favorite cereal Raising Nut Bran! YUMMY!!

I am one of the chosen ones!! lucky me...I think.

hugs
Aluv

Hedone said...

This post gave me the chills. I hate bugs...I am have a bug phobia. Those nasty creepy crawlies.

3. I was eating a golden delicious apple when I read that an choked! Note to self: No eating or drinking while ready anything written by the late phoenix.

4. lol

5. That would be some orgasm...explosion.

As usual this was a fun read.

Lots o' Luv,

-H

P.S. You are not a garbage ass. I don't think so anyway. What exactly is a garbage ass?

the late phoenix said...

atiya: i'll eat anything with the word *nut*

H: i visited Oscar the Grouch and got an explanation of garbage ass. he used words which i can't retype here at this blog...

Juliette said...

Theres a lot to be said for eating cereal.

I have only just noticed the beat in the Beatles. Does that mean I'm stupid?

You have opened my eyes and made me see.

the late phoenix said...

juli: right? i come to things slowly, i get things 20 years after the rest of the world gets them, i go OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!! loudly out my window when the light bulb finally goes on.