1. you cut your sandwich along the diagonal, forming two triangles. do you eat the point or the hypotenuse? i'm an English major, so hypotenuses (hypotenii?) scare me. Mommy, it'll hurt if i swallow...
2. dipping a tortilla chip: do you dip the tip or the side of the chip as you scoop and take in the jams? "dip the tip" sounds so naughty, i'll try that. my jam is still "Toy Soldiers" but i also like "Go" from Pearl Jam, gets me riled up better than coffee. be like Seinfeld from Seinfeld: never double-dip the chip. be like Light from Death Note: take a potato chip...and eat it!
3. are you a coffee addict? how much of the sweet dark goodness do you imbibe daily? how much is a "cup" of coffe in your estimation? see PIC 1 from the top...i mean, PIC 14 from the top...or PIC 1 from the bottom...that's how much i eat.
4. do you take cream in your tea? how many sugars? i only drink mondo iced tea, brah, it's my duel fuel when i'm out on the waves, brah, fermented on secret farms on a secret island in the middle of the secret sea, brah. one time a surf punk came up to me on his surfboard while the both of us were on a killer wave and said, "hey, brah, have a little tea with your sugar!" then he laughed for an hour. i felt so bad about my brah self. i do eat too much sugar, and one day i'm gonna die...then where will i be?...in The Great Ocean In The Sky?...no, brah, just dead.
5. how do you eat a burrito? pick up with hands, bite an end/ cut in half, eat half/ fork and knife/ open tortilla, eat the inside contents, eat tortilla last:
STEP 1: GO TO CHIPOTLE.
STEP 2: BLEED.
actually, though, i did used to do that when i was a kid, eat the insides first and save the tortilla for last, that tortilla which would be imbued with all the flavor of the lettuce and the tomatoes and the meat and the sauce. we used to be able to eat outside at Taco Bell, the tables and bolted-on chairs were still clean enough, and the big black dogs didn't jump over the thin tin fence and chase after you all around the street for your chalupa.
6. pizza: how do you eat a slice and why? open slice/ fold it together, then bite/ fork and knife/ crust first, then rest of slice: just recently, Captain Jean-Luc Picard had pizza for the first time in his life, for the FIRST TIME! he's pretty old. he's awesome, but he's old. i found that remarkable, so i'll eat pizza any way my favorite Star Trek captain eats pizza. hey, that fold-together technique, that's a New York thing, right? or a Chicago thing? an L.A. thing? a surfer thing, right?
bonus: what is the weirdest thing that you are into? unpaid blogging...
bonus bonus: do you care if your different foods on a plate touch each other? what's that all about?! yeah, i know what you mean, i used to be that way when i was a kid. then i became a surfer and realized i was gonna die one day, so i let it all go. it doesn't really matter in the end, right? it all goes down to the same stomach, or stomachs if you have two. no matter how much you separate the runny eggs from the crisp bacon, it will end up an eggs-bacon smoothie in your stomach...i'm never eating eggs again...well, runny eggs anyway...
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