Monday, August 26, 2013


OMG, *scream*, i love them, both the band and the comic.

1. what act have you seen in a porn that you never tried but want to?: what's that thing? you do it with your tongue? licking? no, that's not it. kissing, yeah, kissing. no, no...oh yeah, it's introducing yourself, and then the whole pizza thing with the exchanging of the moneys.

2. a lot of porn is just old, tired remakes of old, tired ideas. it's tough to make porn creative because it all basically boils down to one thing. have any bright, new, actually original ideas that can spice up porn for the future generations?: i am all about the future, and yes, this is a problem which has beguiled me ever since i went about studying the history of porn seriously in college. no, seriously. i took a class with a group of beautiful women who were all gender-studies majors, and we talked and talked about these matters extensively in the classroom. and because life is a living classroom, we took a field trip together to a strip club...for research. ah, college. anyway, what were we talking about? oh yes, we discussed this during one lesson. it was decided at the end of class that the best idea would be to film a movie that combined the sweeping grandeur of Gone With The Wind with the requisite hardcore and shown cum shots. i called it John With The Sin...wait, i think i saw that last week.

3. whilst---i LOVE that, whilst, fancy, i want to say that at parties---our partners should be our one and only when it comes to mind-blowing, efficient orgasms, what's really making you see stars?: a) sex toys b) masturbation c) partner(s): without b, i wouldn't be here. well, i'd be here, but i'd be one frustrated blogger. c is my answer, my law partners give me great relationship advice, they've seen it all, they've seen everything in divorce court, y'know? i don't know what orgasms or sex toys are, but i see stars with my telescope.

4. did you ever cheat on your partner and the partner found out? would you want to know if your partner was cheating on you? what's your definition of "cheating"?: this is gonna make me cry. i would never cheat on my beloved, so much so i won't even venture a guess as to the technical definition of the concept. that goes against my religion, of which i have none. if my beloved was cheating on me, i'd rather not know, i would cry if i knew, i'd cry me a river...well, a pond with a lily pad at least. love is what makes the world go 'round, don't mess with this ancient magic, it will come back on you and turn you into a frog. then, you'll have to wait for a princess babe to kiss you to break the spell. contrary to the Tales, most single women whose Daddies are Kings don't generally like to hang out with frogs on lily pads at the pond, they're at the castle crib with the drawbridge and the moat hangin' out with that cute Hollywood hunk who looks like a frog, you know the one...

bonus: give us 2-3 erotic paragraphs incorporating the following words in your story(ette): magnificent, Nero, licks, hard, nipples. and no, you can't use them all in one sentence:

darn, it would have been such an epic sentence. storyette?

i am your slave. i am everyone's slave, i serve the People, i serve my Master, Lord Nero, i do what i do on the streets to get by. with a little help from my friends, i make it. but who are my real friends, and who love my body but not my soul? i want to earn enough to present a new, shiny fiddle to Nero. i hear it's his birthday coming up, or something about a doomsday prophecy, lots of fire everywhere, i didn't catch the details from the crazy guy with the sign barking on the street, i was too busy ruminating on who my real friends were. let's see, there's Carol at the flower shop, i'd like to lick her, but she treats me like her dog...then again, that could work...

a lot of the Goddesses we all worship and pray to are bodacious babes, but y'know, having a crush on your God is kind of weird. and can God really be your friend? name is Jesus by the way. Nero informs us that he is God now, and we should treat him as such forever by licking his toes and feeding him grapes. i'm tellin' you, i don't know what it is, but that kind of crazy hardens my nipples. maybe the only friend i need is ol' Nero. Nero, you magnificent bastard, i love the hell outta ya!

just got an official notice telling me to pack lots of sunscreen for the coming weeks...




Silverdrop said...

You have, as so often, made us smile.

AtiyaLuv said...

just make sure the pizza comes with bacon.

the porn factor...just check my answer *mwwahahaha*

I cant and dont know how to use that word in a sentence Whilst and probably would misspell it if I didn't have auto-correct.
I'm so down with the toys, you can teach me how to use them while at it.

you crack me up!
Great one

Te amo Phoenix

the late phoenix said...

silver: thanks for the support. great excuse to hear that gorgeous masterpiece of an album again, huh?

atiya: i think i'm doing it wrong with the pizza thing. you exchange the moneys, and then you eat the pizza, or then you're supposed to eat something else? porn is hard to follow, hard.

Anonymous said...

You never fail to make me smile, whilst I eat pizza and exchange monies...not true actually I'm on a diet of hard magnificent nipples that Nero licks. See, I can do the stream of consciousness writing you do, but somehow yours makes sense in much more meaningful ways.

the late phoenix said...

f and f: for some reason, "monies" is funnier to me than "moneys".

yeah, stream-of-consciousness is the best way to open one's creative mind up, better than...well, other substances.

Anonymous said...

This is too good

Juliette said...

#4 - You would never cheat on your beloved. So romantic and admirable.

I can't imagine Gone with the wind plus porn. Ok maybe I can a bit... but I'm not sure it works. Need another..

the late phoenix said...

vafay: thankies

juli: you simply need a studio with enough time and disposable income willing to create an epic, involved, intelligent spy thriller, and then when the sex scenes come up, it goes into porn mode. i want to work at that studio. i want to work at all. i'm a starving actor.