Monday, June 25, 2012
TMIT: BAD OL' SUMMERTIME
um, haven't you heard? i'm a goth, so, yeah, going to a beach with a cloudless sky and 100-degree heat is just about the worst thing possible for my pale ghost skin, but i'll still play along:
PIC 2 FROM TOP: this is what i do to supplement my income during the summers
PIC 9: this is what i became after Ashley dumped me
PIC 15: Ashley and I in happier times
PIC 16: what i did to Ashley that fateful day, i'm sorry, i swear there was spinach in between her teeth
PIC 18: our last sunset together, the end of the world
PIC 19: that's me, i've been so distraught ever since i almost bit it from a seat belt
1. summer is a time to kick back, relax, and chill. what is your favorite way to relax when the warm weather hits? i absolutely despise the sun, i wish it would go away and leave the world as it appears to be already: cold. but this way, the weather would reflect the overall world mood.
2. have you ever been to an outdoor drive-in movie theatre? my first date was at a drive-in. what is your memory of these classic outdoor amphitheatres?: on my first date, i was in a hole, but that's neither here nor there. all my sun-damaged ears can remember is that classic line from one hot Alanis Morissette, "go down on you in a theatre...", i've been trying to model my life after that immortal call to action ever since...
3. have you ever had a summer fling? how did it develop and why did it end? i tried once to have a summer-school fling at college with this cute little mousey brunette i met while working at the library, she had the cutest butt in those one-size-too-small-for-her jeans she always used to wear. i imagined one day at work passing her a note which had writ on it my precise feelings for her: that i thought she was rad and we were the perfect couple for a no-strings-attached-once-fall-hit summer fling, but alas, i only wrote that note in my mind. i talked with her once more that summer, about canned oranges.
4. board shorts and bikinis leave something to the imagination, but have you ever tried a nude beach? hey, remember bermuda shorts in the '80s? man, i was all over that fad, that was the one fad that i totally nailed, that i was on time for, actually i think i was a little ahead of my time there, my mom bought me these weird new bermuda shorts things, i didn't want to wear them 'cause i thought i'd get a tomato in the face again at school as usual, but i pranced down the school halls all fucking stylin' in my bermuda shorts and all the girls gasped and all the bullies wanted to be my friend. yeah, too bad looking back now those bermuda shorts were rather silly and all fads must come to an end.
5. what are your thoughts on the Speedo and the Wicked Weasel? i want to get my Speedo stuck in your Wicked Weasel...seriously...
6. the hot-ass weather is perfect to "get busy" to. have you ever? do tell: we goths hide during summer, we descend to our man caves, hibernate, and wait out the searing heat with just our godless prayers and our custom lunch boxes. we fuck, though, but we fuck amongst ourselves, so i guess that doesn't count.
7. sunrise or sunset, which is your summer favourite? god i love the spelling of favourite, so sophisticated!!! i prefer the sunset, for that is what we'll all see when time stops and we have to crowd into our broken churches for comfort.
8. what is the one summer delight that really quenches your thirst? how about your lust? TWO WORDS THAT ANSWER BOTH QUESTIONS: BATH SALTS
bonus: summertime is the one time to get out outdoors. where would you like to have sex? beach? picnic? camping? beach only with a goth babe. picnic only if they served bath salts and canned oranges. camping only if i got my one missing Merit Badge which completed the set: my Nude Beach Badge
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