Monday, March 19, 2012
TMIT: 31 FLAVORS
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folks, this week it's sex and ice cream, the perfect combination, so i'm in. last pic from top up above there, the dude attacking that ice cream cone like it was his last chance at trim, that's me, i finally reveal what i look like. yeah, i'm fucking Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell's goofy-looking little brother.
yeah, so we engage in this 31 sexual flavors game where you and your partner exchange tokens on which are written all the nasty and demented sex acts you want to perform on each other without any shame. i'm to list 31 such sex treats. this really is better than ice cream, even mint chocolate chip, which you must admit does get a little sickening after the fourth helping...
now we're talking about tokens here, so i can relate, having wasted away my '80s youth in noisy arcade game rooms every saturday afternoon. i don't have a current girlfriend, so the partner thing is all fantasy for me, *sigh*, i've been living in a fantasy for so long now i can't tell the difference:
31. any sex <---i let her define it, the more creative, the more hot i get
30. any sex <---i let me define it, the more creative, the more hot i make myself
29. something involving a coat rack, i always wanted to see...
26. food, Nine and a Half Weeks-style, even spaghetti, let's see where it sticks to after it sticks to the wall
25. doing it while watching a porno
24. doing it while watching a homemade porno that we just made of ourselves doing it
23. doing it while watching SKINS
22. Little Red Riding Hood...huh? huh?...yeah, you get it, no explanation needed here, you get it
21. doing it while watching a video of all of my life failures
20. 69, and both of our hands are free. i use my free hand to type on my computer my latest literary masterpiece, she uses her free hand to count down to when i'm about to cum. at the moment of ecstasy, i release hot sticky cum everywhere, but more importantly, that's when i have the main character in my book state the premise of the novel, that's when the character uncovers the mystery of the human soul...
19. i eat her out, i spit in there and wash and gargle, y'know, this is actually more of a treat for me than her, i mean, i LOVE eating pussy. i know it makes me less of a man, the SOPRANOS taught me that, but i lost my Man Card in the mail years ago...
18. anal, definitely anal, can't go through a list without the anal, only one other thing excites me more than anal, my #1
17. rough anal, but only if she likes it rough, breaking headboards, that sort of thing
16. hey, i'm for soft anal, too, let me get my tissue
15. okay, we arrange a lunch date for fucking, but then she deliberately stands me up at the Olive Garden...that turns me on 'cause it replicates my dating years from 1999 to the new promising millennium
14. Peter Packs his Peck of Pickled Peppers...huh? huh? no explanation needed, right? everyone plays that sex game
13. doing it while watching Letterman. y'know how everyone SAYS they do it while watching a late-night comic on their TV GUIDE survey, but they don't really cum to the ol' Gap Tooth, right? until NOW
12. okay, i meet you at your place of work, greet you with a bouquet of fresh roses, you sniff, i sniff, and then we do it on the office table, in front of your co-workers, in front of your boss, in front of the security cameras...you get fired, but it was worth it
11. same scenario as #12, but you get a promotion, 'cause the boss wants in
10. same scenario as #12, except now it's you coming to my place of business, which is my Dad's garage. not awkward, not awkward, Dad wants in, it's okay
9. i always wanted to fuck my lady as i'm standing up in a comic book store while i'm reading the very first rare #1 Star Wars comic or something, whichever is the most expensive comic book
8. i am Link, you are Princess Zelda, that's five hours right there...
7. i lick your armpit only if you lick my hair
6. i lick your face only if you spit in my mouth
5. i pull your hair and suck your toes...oh! i didn't say Simon Says, i'm disqualified
4. you sit in a chair, i suck on your huge tits, i cum on your beautiful breasts, and we hug afterwards
3. same as #4, and we send the video to Dad
2. doing it while watching Federer play...wait, y'know what? yeah, no, no, let's not do that, it wouldn't be, y'know, kosher
1. my favorite sex act of all time is to cum in my beautiful girlfriend's mouth, i just love that, the whole combination of hot, sticky, white cum into the place where you eat delicious food, it's strange, surreal, and oh so hot. swallow and i'm in Heaven on Earth. did i mention how much i love cum?