Monday, September 9, 2019


1. which of these do you do the most with your significant other? list in order of frequency from done the most to performed less frequently. if you don't engage in any of this with your SO write N/A (not applicable)

a) eat meals with your SO without smartphones, tablets, TV, or any device
b) exercise together
c) share a morning kiss that lasts longer than 6 seconds

my morning kiss lasts 9 1/2 weeks. btw, N/A is really NWA, they just tryna keep us down. i can't believe i have yet to see 9 1/2 Weeks. especially for me, that's a shame and blasphemy, right! i've been a Zalman King devotee from jump street, i need to support him in his feature film break to get his stuff out there in the mainstream. but not too much, his indieness is what defines and ennobles his work. me! the one who loved X-Files not for the sublime sci-fi but because it starred the Red Shoes Diaries guy! i tell all my friends this and will continue to: porn is good as a one-off one-shot quickee, but nothing NOTHING is as grand, bold, delightful, lasting, and elegant as SOFTCORE.

2. briefly tell us about a time when things felt helpless but you knew you would pull through:

it was a day in my life, like any other day...

...but i knew as long as i had Rupert The Teddy Bear by my side, i could conquer anything...

3. would you rather have sex in a posh romantic hotel suite, on a secluded tropical beach, or in your own bedroom? why?

i've written about this extensively, i have a dream that i have yet to fulfill:

penthouse suite, top floor of a huge long hotel in the middle of the futuristic city, my room is all corners all six glass walls overlooking the Tokyo highway lit up neon like Blade Runner or Tron. i take a shower in front of the world, naked for all the world to see. my shampoo? a nice long amber bottle of Neutrogena Bamboo Rain with that aloe vera that tickles your skin freckles with sumptuousness, drowning your senses and touch nerves in gel and lice block.

4. have you practiced orgasm denial? did you like it? would you again?

yes but here's the thing, it's either the best thing in the world or the worst. edging vids are the most-viewed vids in porn by counter. if done right, if you deny for a LONG time, you still have to EVENTUALLY cum, THAT cum is satisfying cos it's big and large and messy and wet and ropey and exhausting and exhilarating. if you NEVER cum, well, it just becomes cruel at that point...

5. finish this line: i doubt i will ever tell you:

that i'm Doubting Thomas.

BONUS: would you pay good money to have the kind of sex you want, when you want?

no but i'd pay a dollar for it...


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