* guru: guys before we start, i'm okay with the blind jokes. just treat me like any other Earthling.
* woman in knit cap with blond tufts sticking out: does this map show the Peninsula Trail?
shopkeeper: what, you ask the blind man cos i'm black?
man: isn't that where that senator fucked his Argentine mistress?
guru: let me touch that. wow, a folding map. haven't held one of these since i got GPS installed in my bionic eyes.
* woman: that was creepy how you just unannounced started speaking from the corner.
guru whacks her with his walking stick.
guru: i can't see you but i can already tell you look like some sort of female version of Kurt Cobain. these are the mythic rough Seattle Woods, where lumberjacks and legends are born.
* man: you're making the Jenna Marbles face again.
woman: no it's my Lucy eughhhhh face. i just don't know if we can trust him.
man: his paunch belly indicates he's a beerdrinker. if you can't trust a beerdrinker in this crazy world...
* guru destroys the taillight of the Subaru with his walking stick.
guru: cheap-ass car.
* woman: what's in the back of your hay truck there?
guru: my axe i mean my dog Sir Ray Charles.
* guru: you hungry?
woman: well i am eating for two.
man: what what? we haven't fucked yet this is our second date.
* the trio inhale their food deeply.
black patron next to them: crazy white folk.
Flo: are you gonna eat those grits i prepared for you? i kissed them myself.
guru: no thank you, ma'am, we came here just to smell the salty air.
man: hey are you Flo from Progressive?
Flo: *a coffee pot in each hand* no i'm Flo from Mel's Diner. damn millennials.
* guru: feel the wind?
guru falls off the cliff.
guru flies up five minutes later.
guru: when one sense is lost, the rest of the senses heighten. i can fly.
* guru: if you listen closely you can hear the Purrgil.
man: thank you i'm gonna need Purell now that i just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me. i thought i could stop masturbating for a while.
woman: i miss Star Wars Rebels already. it's easily my favorite show. i loved how Hera became a strong single mother at the end.
guru: i didn't like how Kanan regained his sight just before he died. blindness is not a disease to be cured.
man: i wonder what Pablo Hidalgo is doing right now. let's detour to his office and find out. ROAD TRIP!
* guru: this is my favorite part of the forest.
woman: where you're gonna kill us?
guru: Harry Potter learned his first spell right at this spot.
man trips over a blocking branch.
guru: how am i the blind one and you trip over the branch? idiot.
woman: you have such mesmerizing eyes.
guru: thank you. grab ahold of my shoulder and i'll guide you.
woman: humans aren't allowed to touch each other anymore.
* guru: just shut up and listen................................................................to the owls fucking.
* guru laughs.
Hedwig poos on the couple's heads.
woman: come on, man, that was my best beanie.
man: i'm Desmond from Lost.
guru: i'm Hagrid. the roles kinda dried up. i'm not exactly the size of a leading man. i got a pet owl and lived in the woods. i like to watch, but the owl didn't like me watching him mate. the owl pooed in my eyes and the rest is history.
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happy weekend, my babies. my Brackets are already busted. i chose Providence cos they have a kick-ass ninja for a logo...