1. what do you find sexiest in a woman? her mystery. you're never gonna know what she really is thinking. it's probably better you don't know. everyone is in a rush to learn how to read minds but i'm not sure that's such a hot idea. it would make first dates even awkwarder. first, in order for humanity to evolve, we must move to another planet. that's the only way we can really start over. the most beautiful thing ever created is women. all things were created by God. thus it would figure that God is a woman. it's all falling into place...
2. what do you find sexiest in a man? the most beautiful thing in this world is watching a grown man cry.
3. have you ever been the other woman or man? would you do it again? yes. it was fun. for a while. i ran around town like a secret snake spending every damn last penny i had. on booze, women, and movies. then i started thinking about whom i was hurting and i started to cry. it was the most beautiful thing in the world. everyone in the world stopped what they were doing in their tracks and stared at me.
4. who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other? i can't offer much. i'm always tired. i always need a hat. i have no money. but i can write you tons and tons of poems, that's romantic, right?
5. do you have a work wife or office husband? this is my only incentive to have a real office job. he or she will probably end up being the best relationship you ever have on earth. you spend the most time with them, moreso than your spouse. and it's real love, pure, no messiness. nowadays there REALLY is no messiness going on.
bonus: are you in a healthy relationship? what makes you think so? we do yoga together. we pretzel ourselves into positions that are only possible to achieve with two people.
bonus bonus: is the "work spouse" strictly a U.S. American anomaly (they do spend an insane amount of hours at work)? one study found 32% of Americans admitted to having a work spouse. we cannot keep dividing ourselves like this. we must not continue to see things in terms of Americans, Brits, and other. we must work in concert. it's the only way the species will survive. when we are offered a job offer in kindness, we must not slam the door in the person's face and literally kick them out to the curb like in Outlaw Star. come together, right now, over me. we can't dance in the stars till we learn how to dance. we REALLY need to locate that new planet, time is running out on Earth...
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