Friday, December 15, 2017

GLORY BOX



learned:

* oh, i can still log onto blogspot? cool.

* warning: this is slow as molasses at the start but it heats up towards the end like burnt molasses. (burnt molasses is a gas substitute.) much like an infomercial. adding Innovation Makers was a mistake, it adds nothing.

* not furry

* Cremkin of the ice-cream inheritance

* those little bridges are purely decorative, they serve no utility. meant for prayer.

* dad is getting back out there. he's not letting his baldness slow him down. he's still a catch. what? he's still married to his wife after the accident?

* why in every soccer picture does the player squat with the ball in that uncomfortable stance?

* i've only been to one candlelight vigil. they ran out of candles so i just stood there all night like an idiot.

* David: it's not fair what happened to my brother. he was the one in the family with the good hair.

* Dad: does it look like a lifesize voodoo doll? well yes. coyotes are into that magic shit.

* Dad: you're never gonna go pro with a frisbee catch like that.
David: i ain't goin' pro, i'm goin' ultimate.

* Mom: he stopped eating. he lost his job.
Dad: i lost my hair. but then it came to me. i'll work for adult swim. oh and i got that MyPillow guy to design the prototype.

* Dad: these metal spikes allow David to fit in with the goths at school.
David: there are no more goths at school, dad. that's not a thing anymore.

* Dad: all of these multi-colored straws will allow David to fit in with the cafeteria lady.
David: she really does want me to fit in her.
Dad: the two natural enemies of the coyote: Johnny Depp and gas-station T-shirts.
David: the only natural enemy of man: anime.

* Dad: it's pronounced KAI-YOAT, that really messes them up.

* David: dad, what was P.J. like?
Dad: he was a good boy.
David: what does P.J. stand for?
Dad: pajamas.

* David shouldn't be eating those fruit cups, they're loaded with sugar.

* all that bright yellow tracks better than the coyotes.

* something about jobs no one wants and growing the economy...

* safety knows no language

* David: dad i got my hands up, don't shoot! this is horrible!
Dad: i can't see your hands, all i see are straws. sorry for the coyote-urine pellets, son.
David: they're butterscotch. i hate butterscotch.

* the testimonials written in blood were not shown on tv. testimonials: the last gasp of letter-writing.

* i remember my mom using those white cotton circles on her face. i never had any idea what she was doing.

* still to come---no commercial breaks

* Mom: remember when people used to blow up photos just for fun? for the record, these wrinkles on my face aren't my fault, they're the incident's fault.

* why did you create bullies, God? why hath you forsaken me?

* life comes down to whether or not you played sports.

* Mom: P.J. loved foods that looked like other foods...except the boodog that looked like a soft-boiled fetal duck egg.

* girl: Mr. Gout is an asshole.
David: our teacher has the gout.

* Mom: if you really want to fuck my boy, you must solve the puzzle cubes on his Tetris chastity belt. i won't stand in the way of teenage love, look what happened to Romeo and Juliet.

* David: shut up talking about crabs and kiss me, girl.

* the director's in the shot

* David: your love brought me out of my shell.
girl: what's the combination to your chastity belt i just want to fuck you.

* there is nothing spookier than a soccer net at night.

* Dad: P.J. was the light and love of our life. but he'll always be with us. as long as David wears this P.J. mask.
David: please tell me this is actually a mask.
Dad: don't panic, ladies and gentlemen in the funeral audience, they're just CGI coyotes.
David: worse! they're anime wolves!

* Dad: stay back foul beast! you're the coyote who ate our son!
P.J.: dad, it's me. don't you recognize your own son? i don't look like a coyote. i don't have any fur on me, that's my chest hair and afro. i didn't turn into a coyote werewolf. i simply have no shirt on and shorts. it was the Rio Olympics. the team partied a little too hardy the night we were bounced in the round robin. being soccer players we naturally had no shoes or socks. we were detained at a local gas station for a few months that's all.

* the only country music i like are ballads with bouncing balls and train whistles that i can eat beans to.

* the armored vest can only be defeated by one thing---a chicken.

* we all know coyotes rule the earth. you didn't have to kill the children.

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

happy weekend, my babies. no spoilers! i plan to stream it sometime next year...







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