Monday, July 16, 2012
TMIT: 50 SHADES OF PAY FOR PAIN
pic 5 from top: keep your eyes on your own paper, that's how a Row Row Row Your Boat round gets started.
6: this isn't cheating, it's the beginning of a beautiful tri-lationship.
9: DON'T JUMP!!! YOU CAN'T SWIM, REMEMBER?????!!!!!!
10: that pale weakling Edward Cullen could break the bed, so why can't i? i'm a skinny vampire, too...
11: not all bites are bad, ask Spiderman 'bout it.
13: an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
1. i enjoy the idea that my partner wants to inflict pain on me so much that i:
a) become curious
b) become aroused and titillated
c) end up a heap on the floor crying and screaming 'cause i love it to death
i've never been titillated in my life. sad, but true. i've tried so hard, i've bought all the machines, i've been duped by infomercials, i want you to tit me.
2. do you like to be forced to act or dress in a way that is humiliating? i don't like to be forced to do something, but then again, i freely wear berets out in public, and i get that something extra when a patriot throws a tomato in my face, so calculate all that.
3. do you like seeing bruises, scars, or marks caused during kinky sex? sex should be pleasurable, not painful, unless you subscribe to the notion that pain=pleasure=pain, then i'm not for you, i was an English major, not Math.
4. would you like to be forced to do something sexually that you don't necessarily want to do? only if it involves a ball gag. my first real introduction to the world of kinky sex came after watching the sublime, never-equalled-since music video for "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails, the uncensored version. ever since then, Jack Nicholson became cooler, twirling around in a circle became cooler, and ball gags are the shit.
5. do you want to be forced to watch your lover with someone else? yes, it needs to happen, cheating brings people closer, the makeup sex that occurs after can never be duplicated or repeated in a lab, there has to be actual cheating going on, and makeup sex is the only sex that counts, regular, committed vanilla sex is boring, do i have enough now to sell my self-help book?
6. what dirty, inappropriate things do you like to tell your lover? that i'm a boss at CandyLand
bonus: finish this statement: i like being powerful in bed because__________
i'm not powerful anywhere else, except with the writing, i'm the Superman of Writing, i made my own cape from my pillow threads and everything, has a big W on it...for Whopper
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