Monday, May 22, 2017


they looked more like mini garlic breads. it was fun! i would cook more if i ever had the time...

picking out the choice heavy cuts from my butcher Roger Federer at the underground meat market some call a club, Roger says sorry but all have bone. taking them home on the ferry. placing them in a pouch of Shake 'N Bake powder. don't confuse the pork with the chicken powder! eating half the powder straight then mixing them in the bag, pretending you're shaking your Shake Weight. make sure to tie a bendy green string around the other end or it'll all spill out on your newly-waxed linoleum tile. cook for a long time over an open fire. not too long or you'll be left with triangular char. i'm not sure whether you let stand for five minutes, i think that's just the Rice-A-Roni chicken rice, before chewing on that tough meat. honestly mine was a little raw but i didn't notice. douse with virgin lemon juice before and after.........if you know what i mean...

1. the last time you had sex, was it urgent or essential? consider masturbation or sex with a partner. sex is urgent and essential for mental health, that's what my butcher tells me every time he invites me to his backroom barbecue.

2. what should you stop doing? why? watching the news. it's just too horrible.

3. what makes you feel strongest? sexiest? Shake Weight. for both. check out the Shake Weight commercial. old memes are gold memes.

4. when do you feel vulnerable? right now

5. what is missing from your sex life? sex

bonus: if you left your current lover, what would you miss the most? my sanity

feeling especially stressed today? i've got the potion for you. mix one part oil 'N vinegar with two parts Zesty Italian. Newman's Own, only Newman's Own. use as an elixir. it will calm you down, trust me. drink it or bathe in it. dip popsicles into the dressing, those pointy popsicles that are advertised on the box as being able to draw like crayons but don't actually leave a mark on paper, i've tried. what a scam. dot your eyes with the dipped popsicle points. probably more soothing if you close your eyes first.

a quick stem if you're out of bath balls. Lush and Taco Bell this Saturday i promise.



Nero Black said...

I made chicken stew last night!

the late phoenix said...


Sweeten Dirty said...

Sounds like we are both missing the same thing from our sex lives. Oh the irony.

Jules said...

Why is shake and bake so exciting? It makes you feel like a creative master chef.

I love that lollipop idea. I’m putting one in my bath. *)

the late phoenix said...

sweet: i'd settle for a love life ;)

the late phoenix said...

juli: cheeky ;) *)