Friday, May 12, 2017



* cos we all need a little holiday spirit during Finals Week

* slow-motion snow only occurs in my nightmares.

* would you provide a home for a cute little robin if it meant giving up your PG Tips?

* faster than a speeding bullet. then again bumblebees shouldn't be able to fly.

* the key to wearing a sweater is to give the illusion that you're only wearing a sweater...

* not shown: the robin takes a break, fastens on some ice-skates, and carves up the lake at the Frost Fair.

* Wait Rose, the alternative name of The Bachelor.

* don't worry, the robin's natural fur acts as a coat against the rain. but that isn't rain...

* it's so easy to get lost in the fog...........the fog is so pretty........

* Bond. Beak Bond.

* robin: what are you, raccoons?
weasel: aliens who look like raccoons.
robin: that movie doesn't need any more publicity.
weasel: okay, we're mongooses who came out wrong.
robin: isn't it mongeese?
weasel: i'm Mary Poppins, y'all

* robin: is that a cloud or snow?
eagle swoops down.
robin: f*** you, man!
eagle: this was supposed to be my advert until you aced your audition. it was supposed to be how i finally taloned my Christmas dinner for my starving wife and kids who are buried in snow cos i can't keep a job.

* robin: my heart is racing right now after that. it's hard to tell from normal but it is.

* robin: f***ing lighthouse throwing me off-course with its blinding beams. even an animal with a small brain like mine understands irony.

* robin: and me without my goggles. my lobster friend and i are gonna have a laugh over this one day. i haven't spoken to my lobster friend in years...

* robin: i see a terrible creature in a black hood. surely this is Death.
Death: no, just human.
robin: same thing.

* robin: pull the blanket over me, jackass, i'm cold! what is this box i'm in?
fisherman: shoebox.
robin: next time get a skatebox.
fisherman: you skateboard?

* robin: *singing an original song* ain't got no time for school, only got time to eat...

* boy: i was penciling a poem about my robin called Ode to Bird. it won't be as good now that the robin is alive.

* boy's mother: honey, don't leave that lit candle by the frosted window. we need that candle to cook the bird..........not the robin, the turkey.

* robin: i'm not gonna mince words, this pie is disgusting.
girl robin: hello, handsome bloke.
robin: mind if i chat you up, bird? the irony is not lost on me.

* boy: i'm a boy in a skirt. love one another. love everyone. happy Christmas!


happy weekend. i got a PG Tip with my name on it. literally, i put my name on it in black ink to avoid it getting stolen by robins. and a vindaloo in the oven. the microwave oven......................WOW, THAT'S HOT EVEN FOR ME!

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