Monday, February 9, 2015


vampires exist. superheroes exist. late-night talk-show hosts exist. all are aliens.

1. one thing i will never comprehend is _______ how we comprehend. i comprehend how aliens do it cos i'm an alien i mean cos it's simple: aliens are all part of one hive mind that thinks for them. where do the hive-mind thoughts come from you ask? Jesus. Alien Jesus. the aliens are zen in that they have wiped away every single unnecessary thought from their individual minds to singularly focus on the one and only activity their race must perform in order to survive: anal probes, that's it.

2. my blood type is _________ like a facebook status, it's complicated. matters who i feed on, with.

3. i am pretty healthy for __________ a vampire. take that statement to mean anything your imagination can conjure.

4. when i really cannot sleep i _________ fuck at church. take me to, really.

5. you never forget your ________ last time. see? that's the alien comprehension kickin' in.

6. as a child my favorite pet was __________ Sandy, my big bold beautiful black lab. don't want to say too much more or i'll start to cry. i'm crying. we have two really big eyes so we cry oceans. Sandy's free now. no, not that, we gave him to a farmer who had long open stretches of wheatfield rows to run in. i wish i coulda run alongside Sandy in those fields. like Superman, another alien. best i could do was a crop circle now and then to let my dog know i was still with him in spirit.

bonus, by some cool loser named the late phoenix. who names themselves that?: why was fuck chosen as the ultimate swear word? it coulda easily been duck: it was duck for a time


after the revolt, it was changed to fuck. as a word nut, and generally a nut, i am fascinated with fuck's origin. deep Germanic roots, perhaps Flemish. makes sense. i love German chocolate cake, i make love to it. take that statement to mean anything your imagination can conjure. Belgian waffles are obviously better than regular waffles. i like french fries. but you'll notice that the duck aspect of fuck remains, take the word "goosed"...

note: i was considering naming myself Phoenix Penis




Sweeten Dirty said...

Lol! Thos answers are hilarious. Thanks for the giggle fits. I had a ducking good time!

Jules said...

Friars! Big, fat, fvccant friars, my sweet Phoenix. They plucked their ducks like fatherfuckers.

You were going to mame yourself Phoenix Penis? I assume we can take that statement to mean anything our imagination can conjure?

the late phoenix said...

sweeten dirty: :) you're welcome! HTMIT

juli: mah dahlin i'm sorry for bringing up ridged food. the monks invented fuck, they invented everything first. i once called a bully of mine a fatherfucker just to change things up but he started to laugh and then i started to laugh...*)

AtiyaLuv said...

i'm an alien too, legal alien! I even look green on the pic for my green card

Happy TMI

Jules said...

And I didn't mean to say mame yourself....*)

the late phoenix said...

atiya: hehe, love it! HTMIT my friend <3

juli: love ya, mama *)