* Andy was killed for this skit. nothing is worth that. this skit killed.
* never answer a phone that normally doesn't ring.
* Archer: get in the car!
Conan: yeah, before that: what happened!?! why do i look like a full-bodied Dick Tracy comic?
Archer: i'm handsome in this world so i'm not complaining.
Conan: you're right, i'll get used to it. i mean i am loving the clear skin.
* Conan: who's chasing us?
Archer: generic Russian mobsters.
Conan: can't wait for Putin to be Archerized.
* Conan: do you ever get the feeling we're on the brink of WWIII?
Archer: how do you mean?
Conan: y'know, ISIS.
Archer: i don't know what that is.
* Archer: you use Tinder?
Conan: of course.
Archer: but you're married.
* other things which should have a VCR counter to let you know how many are left:
---condom (sperm left)
---bag of Doritos
---McRib (until the next year they come back for a limited time)
---VCRs (until the hipsters and retroists abandon them and they are mass-produced again and the only videotape shack in the entire area can't feature Mazes and Monsters anymore, it has to sell Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day)
* Conan: i feel so alive! i'm so much more animated here, much more so than in my real life.
Archer: ponder that awhile.
* Conan: this is so exhilarating! there is nothing like the mixture of sex and violence! i just came.
CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK.
happy weekend. i haven't seen any of the Oscar films. i haven't had time to watch any films i've been so busyworked. there are two netflix discs jammed into my one slot as i type, Lego Batman and Are You Being Served? The Movie. they've been there for 9 months. i wonder what will pop out when i look inside after that long a time. phrasing. i know, i still use discs. i'm thinking Mrs. Slocombe as Catwoman, she and her pussy are perfect for the part. i always thought the mother Mr. Wilberforce Humphries lived with was Mrs. Slocombe. Mollie Sugden is the British Lucille Ball. i know this is a tad late, but before TPTB make up their minds and put them in that locked silver suitcase, consider Bagboy for Best Picture this Sunday, at least honor Dr. Steve Brule for his body of work. that's what i'll be watching tonight at 12:30 on adult swim. you know the way Matthew McConaughey used his goofy alright alright alright seriously in his speech? i want John C. Reilly to use broats seriously in his acceptance speech. weird, when you google Matthew, Perry comes up first before McConaughey...