Monday, February 17, 2014


Olympics more-stuff learned:

* more Julia Mancuso please. she's a stone-cold winner and a stone-cold fox and a stone-cold free spirit and she's the only one whose go-your-own-way energy can cure the Costas pink eye(s).

* the star of these Games so far is someone who isn't participating: Bode Miller's wife. when NBC zooms in on their conversations, it's like peering into a private motivational talk between husband and wife in their kitchen. as a playwright and soap-opera marathoner, i find this quite fascinating. fuck the Housewives (actually, don't), this is true reality tv, unscripted and laid bare for the world to witness. this, my brothers and sisters, is unhidden, non-varnished human drama.

* fog. of all the things that could have...fog. who knew?

1. The Price is Right: which is the right price for you to have sex with a total stranger? one of those novelty pennies you get at Disneyland where it's elongated from being placed on a railroad track and being run over by a train.

2. Make Me Laugh: what part of your naked body, when touched, makes you laugh? my slamma-damma-ding-dong...that made me laugh.

3. Family Feud: what could you do or say that would really upset your significant other? SLAMMA-DAMMA-DING-DONG!!!

4. Supermarket Sweep: you've been let go in a sex-toy market that includes small to large items, from strawberry-flavored condoms to spanking benches and everything in between. what 6 items will you put in your shopping cart? quick! i only have 60 fucking seconds! okay, the whip to make whipped cream with, the whipped cream for lube, condoms to make condom animals with when i get bored, leather 'cause i look good in leather, that Cross over there 'cause i found God, and the spanking bench, i need to lie down right now on it, my back is killing me.

5. The Dating Game (Blind Date in UK, Perfect Match in Australia): i clicked on the link, RIP Jack Tripper, no one will ever surpass your trip.

part I: there are 3 contestants. will they be your opposite sex, same sex, or a mix? mixed nuts

part II: what are 3 questions you'd ask the contestants? 1) can we stay forever in the '70s? i love the pants. 2) will you pay fully for the date? i blew my load on these bellbottoms i'm wearing. 3) game shows are meant to be fun and to expand your brand, not to find love, huh? unless you're that babe nurse who married a millionaire.

bonus: Cash Cab: unsuspecting folks hail a cab and are suddenly on a game show. while inside the cab, you must do whatever the driver tells you to do or you won't get to your destination. this is Mom's favorite show.

the cab has you now. at which level will you stop, collect the scratch, and get dumped to the curb (my prom)?

level 1: flash/moon passersby, lift up your shirt or down your pants: $20

level 2: dry-hump your fellow passenger: $50

level 3: french-kiss the driver for a minute: $75

level 4: fuck the other stranger passenger in the cab with you. this person is gay if you're straight, straight if you're gay, and bi if you're bi: $1000

answer: level 4, i like to expand my horizons as i'm expanding my brand. besides, no one wants to see my bony butt. i feel if i were bi, i'd be more realized as a human. alas, i am forever undercooked, straight, and boring.

honorable mentions, if you haven't already: Family Feud "September", youtube it, funniest thing in the world. and the "Turkey Turkey Turkey" game show clip :)




Anonymous said...

1. WTH? hahahaha. funny stuff.

2. rofl over here

(my abs get a work-out when I read you)

4. great mis-use or repurpose of sex toys :-)

5. Love questions 2

Bonus: I had you stopping at Level, and pocketing $145.

Happy TMI Tuesday,


Anonymous said...

Family Feud "September"

Yes that was a fun clip!


Anonymous said...


#1 - totally!

the late phoenix said...

H: starts...babies are forming...

G: yeah, there's a technical term for that kind of elongated coin which slips my mind at the moment. i tried to ask Mickey Mouse about it, but he wanted me to leave him alone.

Sammi said...

Great answers! Love the pics, too :-)

Happy TMI!

the late phoenix said...

sammi: pretty pretty pretty pics

Juliette said...

I can't really remember anything after " slamma damma ding dong"