CRUNCHA MUNCHA CRUNCHA MUNCHA CRUNCHA MUNCHA CRUNCHA MUNCHA
Olympics so-far learned:
* the Winter Olympics are quirky. i am quirky. i am the Winter Olympics.
* in honor of Maria and Nastia and Olympians everywhere, i will be led by my tv commercials and eat only Subway New Chicken Enchilada Melts from now on. but don't forget the southwest sauce. without the fucking southwest sauce, it's not a genuine CRUNCHA MUNCHA.
* i don't have a rooting interest as i watch these games. i won't shout USA! in a metered tone three times in a row. not true. i have a rooting interest, i only care about two athletes: Andreas Wank and an athlete by the first name of Semen. thank you, tip of the hat to Juli for that one ;)
1. what is the best way you like to be brought to orgasm? so hard i die. literally. orgasms are little deaths, this is a giant death.
2. what is the best way to make you orgasm quickly? stroke my funny bone
3. what is the typical/usual way a lover chooses to bring you to orgasm? after nonstop pleading from me for five hours straight without a sip of coffee milk, she finally relents. i pay her, and we both go about our day.
4. after a night of sexy play, how do you like to end the evening? i put on my blond wig, pretend i'm that smooth dude from the Gevalia commercials, have some Gevalia, and cuddle up together as we take in a new episode of Check It Out! With Dr. Steve Brule. i cannot tell you how happy i am that that show is back new. check it out if you haven't already!
5. have you ever been given a "happy ending" from a pro, like a Tantric massage or something at an erotic massage parlor? yes, and that is why i didn't win the gold medal that day, all my life-energy was sapped, had none left to perform...on the field that is. next time i won't do this an hour before my event.
6. tell us about something you tried to end. did you go cold turkey? did you succeed? was it a happy ending? i tried to end cold turkey. hot turky, fine, but the cold stuff was bringing me down. got through a week, but then i went cold turkey and that was the end of that. it was a happy ending, i got the bronze at my event. as long as it isn't 4th place, y'know?, the worst place you can land at an Olympics is 4th. last is better than 4th, 4th is missing getting a medal by 1. there is nothing after bronze, there is no tin medal.
bonus: do you like to give erotic happy endings? tell us about your technique. no, but i give a mean erratic ending. like, sometimes she, the giver, ends up cumming instead. or the two of us accidentally fall in love, a strict business arrangement melts two hearts like a Subway Melt.
CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY