Liza and i are in bed. my bed.
Liza: tell me your dreams.
me: the Knicks have won for the first time in 50 years. i'm celebrating along with everyone else at night across the Five Boroughs. but it's strange, as the mob creates a din of noise outside, inside Little Sal's Pizzeria all the Knicks players are gathered at one table DEADLY SILENT. their faces are quiet, no one makes a sound. not a peep, not a ref's whistle. Little Sal the local owner is a one-foot-tall man of Sicilian heritage with tiny hands kneading the pie dough.
James Gandolfini: not Tony hands.
Liza: a lot of waiting to celebrate inside. symbolic. takes time to make the pizza just right. it's taking forever...
Warsaw: we're Hollywood East, that's what the Warsaw Pact really did. Hamnet was filmed in our woods. Atlanta scares us.
Jillian Clare: all of this makes me sad.
Gene Shalit: i was the unlikeliest of Titans, the Titan that flew under the radar. i made it to 100 years not because of my magic handlebar mustache that came from an '80s woodshop, but because i invented old-timey boxing...
Neale Donald Walsch: think of an angel's halo as a ring light...
Trent Reznor: look at me, if i didn't form a band i'd be your freshman roommate at NYU with the long black hair, the music major in the pigeon-blue NYU sweatshirt.
Liza: fill my holes with soul.
me: you're the only woman who's elongated my penis like this, that thing is STRETCHED AND BALLOONED.
a mountain of cum sits on Liza's face.
Liza: this has seasoned the both of us.
Jesus: never jealous.
Peso Pluma: i'm better than Michael Jackson, and that's no bait.
Luffy: my straw hat is the official hat of Spain...
Pele: why doesn't the United States soccer team have a nickname?
Jacques Pepin naked in the stands: because they're stupid. eat a mince pie i made with butter, you fucking Yanks.
Alexi Lalas: just call us The Gauchos and let's move on. why does everything American revert back to the cowboy hat?
Pele: the beautiful game is most certainly NOT ice hockey...
Emma Raducanu: boyfriend? naw, he's just a friend...
Emma: yeah that's my central-park yogi who looks like Mickey Rooney...
Mbappe: do you play the Legend of Zelda ocarina like me?...
Atom Egoyan: video-rental stores and hotels...
Fannie Flagg: i hate sex.
Gene Rayburn: that is a jarring concept considering your tits.
Fannie: the whole no-bra thing isn't a '70s thing, it's a Southern thing...
Fannie Flagg: i hate sex.
Brett Somers: how come?
Fannie: that's just it, i don't cum.
me: i was just about to make a sandwich, would you like one?
Liza: where have i heard that before?...
Liza: i'm gonna cook lunch. Spaghetti-Os.
me: meatballs?
Liza: no the ones with the chunk of hot dog for the nose...
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