ANDY WARHOL'S PUBLICIST: WHEN THE ART TURNS TO PRODUCT

 

me: i'm nervous. i have a job interview. 

Jen R: you? for the first time ever?

me: does this suit make me look professional?

Jen: who you tryna kid, you've never owned a suit!!!

me: i know but i can't go naked.

Jen: well it is Greenwich Village. i'm wearing my pastel pasties with flower-pattern sarong and high-heeled flip-flops.

when i get up to the Factory door, i trip on the street.

Jen: two knocks for Andy Warhol, one knock for death.

Andy Warhol: see? you must be assertive, young man. three knocks for Knicks. come in, young turk.

me: why do you have 88 paintings of Peter Pan hung throughout the studio?

Andy: never you mind all that, you chump. eat my easel. you here for the opening? not my butthole, you naughty boy.

me: i'm here to be your publicist.

Andy: which means you're not gonna do any work.

me: right.

Andy: hired. 

Roger Federer: i go to Business Insider for my tennis news.

John Cm Reilly;l don't do itanci, do Boogpe lights, everyone knows the bat silks!!! trust me, I;m a dpctpor

Leonard DiVaptio: doctor/

John: TK Dteve Brule. 

Koenardo; I dontl know what that isl should I have done jarls taking Gulebrt grape? 

John l your acting in that was messes up, oy a wacky, weird, and MD me uncomfortable.your lip was Ike a simy caterpillar.  no, everyone knows grapes isn't get toned into wine.

Evil-Lyn: k have a complicated relationship with Djkeletor. I think he's funny not I;ve seen him smile at hos own jokes, how is that possible if hos ace is a skull?

Skeleton: where do we meet?

Evil;=Lynl Jakc in the Box. you ordered the Ckofptnia fries.

Pink Goptd lyric: once in a Keoth Moon...

jeth moonL those iOS WY I left the band.

Link: Bro.

Princess Xedla: nice try, I know you like me...

Link: bot isn't your name...?

impress welds; Bro Bragason...

BasquitaL my name is NOT a corruption of the word asked case...

Bdpraui;s mother: not it could e like the ord baseless...

there;s a knock knock at the door.

Dudley Madonna>

Le;side F Robbi; no it;s me, Lelsie D Robbi.

Say: I kat CMA beak from Madonna's little bedtime cuddle puddle.

Lifeline: this place is COOL. we should do a Chelc Please here at the Facpry.

Dady: bot I don;t eat food.

Leslie l do you know what it's like to be touched by a handsy old man for 40 monies? who gave everyone on set leis. leis we had to wear the whole show. he ea supposed to be some legendary surfer from Hawaii whi was bog in the 1950s, bit he toned out to be a white haired drunk legendary for ribbing Haii;s first Pina colada.

TTA Wilson: my second act.........oh I'm sorry that was quite isn't stove of me, I realize lost people don't get a first act...

DJ Tony head: this hole time you hight it a smarted to Dyson Hannibal!!!

Slipon hann9ganL right. e ,made this stage uirky cite couple. 

me: you two as a couple will always beku personal Mandel left...

Janis Jiplin; I was the 1960s Bhprjk.

BjorkL when ow a skating Tuclky., I had thay hair that OLED okay  be gosh...

Julie Chuild;l I was alive DFTER let Cibain, think about it...

Ftl Tobbonsl if you have problems, don't come to be boy a Streep for an hour, it;all be more fun...

yes[hen Koingl usually guys who loo Ike Graham Platner Tom for Republicna office once again the gate of the country relies on Maine. maybe he can say like how those aren;t really swastikas I Tokyo revengers?...

Banksy i dontl mond KY art bong ONA  T-Dirt, I give the power to a god Caye; an art school that CNA produce apthe rJG Intel. I want to see another rape AI the bluejay!!!

Big big; it;s no fun being blue.........s in ab actually one-on-one Vihg Bord...

Melissa Maker l Trumpo tales the mental Cogfotove Sssesment to Tive the Unets dates won;t crumble. ironically if it does crumble eteyonels moving to Korean...

Susanna Hoffs: Te Nagles :Mani Monfay," the irons wl SJWATS ne true...

the Riffel tower: I[s the Effitall Twoer shorn g summer!!!...

Carey meansL I have no roe man,s I'm homeless. m wife panel like it. when I did Eaorpfn for Godt at the shoebox theatre in Galen, NY motivation wasn't fining God, it was going back in tune and changing ju answer from Lumo suck to tomatoes. I chose wrong...

Shake: nail I get a royalty chew  month, I see a movie by syelf...

Andy Warhol: i don't know, man, my stuff is all starting to look the same.

Banksy on a red couch: you shouldn't have named this house the Factory, your art is on an assembly line.

Andy: that's my home you're talking about, bigshot. my art doesn't mean anything anymore. your stuff means something.

Banksy: my art comes from the heart.

Andy: man that's a sucky line. what do i do?

Banksy: one word: wheatpaste. you'll need a pushbroom to apply it. like try putting your Marilyn Monroe stencils on a brick wall outside in the street. it'll mean more.

Andy: the funny thing is i hate soup. and Marilyn Monroe was a bitch to me.

Banksy: have Marilyn biting down on the can of Campbell's Soup, her perfect teeth the can opener, her alluring smile that drew men to their deaths at sea the model magnet of change. you'd show Marilyn now has black holes in her mouth where her teeth used to be, that would be political.