CUNNING FOLK: REMEMBER PENNIES?

 

Jen and i are at Disneyland.

Jen R: let's go to the gift shoppe.

me: in Main Street USA? but that's the worst land.

Jen: i know but that's the only place to get a penny anymore.

Jen: so they're selling Lincoln pennies for $5, that is so Disneyland.

me: you gotta go with the flow when you're at Disneyland, leave your wallet behind.

Jen: want this Dutch oven with Walt Disney's face on it?

me: omg look at the glass case below the tit on the wood statue of the Snow White witch.

Jen: it's a Wheel of Fortune tarot card. AND a Jeopardy tarot card!!!

me: Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek as a two-headed minotaur is unnerving.

Jen: and magical. i like how the divine wheel has a blue Daily Double wedge.

me: the wheel is surrounded by masonstone pebbles.

Ian Curtis on laxatives: Skyrizi, control is everything to me, love that song.

eggnog: spiked with spiced rum.

Chloe Fineman: ...

Prince: i came up with the whole drinking her bathwater thing.

Belle Delphine: thank you.

Prince: another man's wife...

Double Indemnity.

Barbara Stanwyck wearing silly sunglasses: we must stop meeting like this.

Walter: why? i love going to our local tiendita. 

Barbara: oh that's right you're a fan of Mexican food.

Jacques Pepin raising a glass: cooking with my daughter, cooking with my granddaughter, these are the things that feed my soul.

Rollie Wesen raising a baguette lightsaber: what about me?!!! come on, man, AGAIN?!!!

Vaporwave: the spacing of the letters and we're spacing to the chillwave groove.

Kevin Spacey in purple: don't be spacey, be spaced out.

Kevin Spacey: i'm fine. i'm a lounge singer in Cypress living my Lost in Translation life. i'm not homeless, i go from hotel to hotel...

Carson Daly: you're jealous of me, i know ALL the pop-culture things, man.

Instagram: we don't really care about your home business, just post stuff about fucking...

R.E.M. "Losing My Religion": it's about overthinking...

blowjob: take your socks off, man.

Martha Stewart: serve the Thanksgiving meal at 2PM, just in time for a new Family Guy...

Peter Griffin: nobody eats at 2PM. isn't 2PM cocktail hour?

Martha: you only eat at 2PM once a year. and that other time you were late to the Dodger game so you ate a long hot dog with Mary Hart.

Mary Hart: late lunch munch.

Millie Bobby Brown: my tattoo will say I KNOW.........Star Wars fans get it...

Dragon Ball: every series begins with a farmer...

belly dancer: ballet dancer...

Donald Duck is crying in the gift shoppe.

Jen R: what's wrong, Homefeather?

Donald Duck: i'm crying.

Jen: you'll get your feathers wet, Double D.

Donald Duck: i'm just thinking about where my life would have been now. had i not met Jack Tripper. Jack inspired me to be a sailor. a sailor not like Jack Tripper, a sailor the Navy could be proud of, not just another longshoreman male prostitute. 

me: hey Jen, can i get this LONG rainbow tornado lollipop?

Jen: those swerves are SEVERE.

Mickey Mouse: yeah don't get that swirly lollipop, it's hazardous to your health. either you'll choke or you'll lose your wife. i put it in Minnie's butt thinking her having a tail meant she had no butt.

Jen: honest mistake.