WILD SWIMMING: EVENWARD

 

Jules Smith: look at that bog bodega in the shape of a boot over there.

me: who lives there?

Jules: Mrs. Claus, but fair warning, she's in a right state.

we approach the gingerbread location like it was a crime scene, which it kinda was.

there in the middle of the plaisically-sewed half-circle rug around the brick fireplace, Mrs. Claus is on the mantle. she's in a Mrs. Claus-sized Christmas stocking, she's sewing herself from inside the stocking, she's trapped inside the stocking.

Mrs. Claus: don't worry, i can breathe, i made the fabric breathable.

Jules: you see, man?

me: yeah. it's a symbol of the female condition.

Mrs. Claus: right? i mean why does Santa get to deliver the toys on a sleigh? why doesn't Mrs. Claus do the reindeer-riding? if you start the Grimm fairy tale out right, with a woman protagonist in the first place, it doesn't seem as strange, it'll just be normal. also, the writers of legends drink too much Coke...