notes:
* Gemini: i miss those long flowing scrolls of white paper taped to the outside windows of Pic N Save advertising all the choice cuts of butcher meat in that Medieval lettering and numbering.
Ear Horn: we sell vegetables now, dearie. why Al Michaels comes in every 4AM and fills two cartfuls of vegetables...
* monkeybird: there is nothing more satisfying than watching an episode of a cartoon where it breaks...then returns RIGHT to the cartoon again, no commercials.
Bloth: nails did. which is a monumental task. my toenails are eagle talons. they used to be dragon talons before sanding. King Koopa needs a pedicure.
Harlan Ellison: i was in The Pirates of Dark Water, not as a writer, as a voice actor. let that sink in like a pirate anchor.
Captain Janeway: i always wanted Odo on my crew...
* Tai: drink that whole glass goblet of orange juice, mister, you're not saving any juice for pills.
Luke Russert: that's what Tupac said.
Tupac: how do you want it? how do you feel? i'm living in the fast lane NONPAREIL.
* Tai: no more pills, just water. no more unnatural tablets full of harsh chemicals, just me. as your stretcher.
Luke: there is NOT ONE GOOD CORNER in this entire hostel!!! can i go to your place? it's for my health.
Tai: i've never noticed if my abode has corners...
* Molly Qerim: got my Holy Basil tea to calm me down and my Dandelion Detox to wellness the fuck out of myself.
Ear Horn: shit this girl knows witch secrets i hadn't learned till my third year at crone college!!!
Gladyce: she's a bright dear.
Doryce: what shall we call her?
Gladyce: Qerim, that is such a decadently Old-Country crone name.
Kathryn Feeney from Wendy's: crone name code name.
* Boc: go on a walk ESPECIALLY on those days when you're feeling shitty.
* Michael Weiss: so this tree stump that's a hotlink to a porn site has wrinkles on it that's supposed to be the tree's vagina? that's very clever, very creative.
* Diane Keaton: see this is my Annie Hall Hat.
Stevie Nicks: no this is my Stevie Nicks Hat.
* Doryce: do all crones wear crocs? crone crocs?
Minster: no but all monks do. i am not a monster, i'm a minstrel.
Gladyce: crones don't get Crohn's disease, we got spells to ward off that shit.
* party sub: the sandwich and the boat.
* Diane Keaton: i'm not one of your suck-at-the-teat students. i'm not the Marion to your Indiana Jones, professor!!!
Sam Shepard: i tried out for that part. as i tried out for every part in the '80s. look at my face. now look at Harrison Ford's face. i had a better profile wearing the Indiana Jones temple fedora hat. but they said i needed to pack on 100 pounds of muscle weight in three weeks...
* Zetsu's father: Sam Shepard.
* Qerim: taking dandelion makes you courageous.
Madame Pons: the Starbucks inside our LUSH sells dandelion coffee...
* Qerim: SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE!!!
Starbucks: we serve bars of soap that you can eat that taste like coffee.
Minster: you cannot eat coffee, you can only hope to drink coffee.
* Takahashi: before we start, no i don't drink. thanks for asking not assuming. so, sex flush...
Doryce: that's not a kinky thing you do on a toilet, is it, dear?
* The Three Stooges are at a wellness center during the Great Depression.
Moe: we were the original Three Witches.
Larry: yeah, i'm obviously a Shakespearean actor, i mean look at my hair.
Curly: i discovered chrysanthemum when i crowbarred myself. i discovered echinacea when i gave myself a lube job at a garage.
* oil change: the only change you'll ever make...
* Ingrezza: don't worry, the only side effect is suicide. have some pancakes, notice the smile in the IHOP logo?
Boc: the walk only takes if it's a 4-mile walk.
* Pam Hiltunen: you'll find me with a Pimm's cup in my hand complete with Anaheim chile from Disneyland. Pam's Pimm's.
* Savannah Guthrie: today on Today i wore a sweater that's the AriZona Green Tea with ginseng and honey can.
T.J. Holmes: SoBe sweater...
* Jen R: my Fall leaves? all the leaves are by our recycling bins which never get picked up.........i need a night out...
* Minster: i didn't see a headline for 20 years. when i emerged from the monastery i thought Communism had overtaken the entire world, the globe was getting cooler, and the greatest tennis player of all time would ALWAYS be Ivan Lendl.
* Tiny Lister: i was on a tiny list, i was a VERY SPECIAL actor.
Mr. T: you're my acting role model, Tiny...
* Charlotte Spider: i like to weave my web around one cat treat under the sink...
* Liberty Mutual.
Doug: i KNEW that guy was a real actor!!! fuck you, Liberty Mutual. come on, Limu Emu, we're leaving. i had to keep the emu food in the trunk of my Pinto cos it's illegal in Alabama.
* Amazon Prime: we're bringing back the C+C Music Factory dance!!!
* Taylor Swift: oh no, Travis Kelce, nah nah, you ain't big enough yet to do the famous Coke Super Bowl Commercial with Mean Joe Greene. i mean even I ain't big enough and i do Diet Coke!!!
* Jerry Rice: my best catch will be when i grow long straight glistening raven-black hair like that dude in the computer cubicle. my role model in life is Criss Angel.
Criss Angel: my life idol was David Blaine till i made him disappear...
* Hyundai Palisade.
son: did you see that, dad?
dad: yes. no. i lied to you, son.
son: I WON THE POWERBALL!!!
dad: FUCK YES!!! no more stupid science fairs!!!
son: but dad, i'm just a kid so the cash prize is invalid.
dad's father: son, you're late on your car payment to me that's this minivan. you want me to repossess the family minivan?dad: i know, dad, you don't have to remind me. push the knife in my back in deeper why don't you, you bastard. divorce lawyers cost money. i'm in the process of divorcing the boy's mother and permanently destroying this family.
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: i do whatever Kathryn Feeney is desiring at the moment. if it tickles Kathryn Feeney's fancy to enjoy a Pumpkin Spice Frosty at Wendy's, as much as it's just gonna taste like the vanilla one, imma get a milk mustache for Kathryn Feeney.
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