WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER, BUT DRUNK

notes:

* please follow me

* is there really a difference between Miller and Miller Lite?......

* not the start of a Mister Rogers thing

* what happened? i pushed the button but nothing happened.

* man in apartment: okay i'll only take Vince Vaughn and the girl, everyone else, scram.

* man in apartment: OKAY! i'll stop dating Katy Perry!

* whoa, this whole time i coulda gotten my daily exercise running down this sturdy trellis by my window!

* man: what's the picture for, gramps?
gramps: just my insurance.
grandma: you tramp stamp!

* come on, i thought no foodie bloggers ever go to the back where the trash bins full of restaurant heap and mess are.

* Anthony Anderson: i don't follow go or stop. i'm Anthony Anderson.

* oh shit, don't cross the streams!

* woman: look, look, i crushed the svelte mannequin, that must count for something!

* woman: i'm envious of you.
mob: come on.
woman: there's more of you to love. and i can't pull off the sweater-dress look like you can.

* bouncer: so yeah, see this white tablet? Samsung's better. Tesla invented the light bulb, Edison was just a business man. and we don't need any more fucking businessmen.
Judge Judy: excuse me, peer! as in you pee!

* Judge Judy: try the new Toasted Cheddar Chalupa! only at Taco Bell! i'm a Taco Bell Girlfriend!

* the store is named after Ben Jealous. community policing, let's see if it works...

* now this IS that underwater Taco Bell commercial

* girl with selfie stick: this makes me look longer. never mind the construction, it's only a sign, there hasn't been infrastructure construction since 2020...

* mob: OMG! LOOK!
John Cleese: thank you.
mob: NO, THE DOG!!!
John Cleese: fuck young people, in my day we made you dance and sing about sperm.

* patron 1: is is too sweet or too sour? i can't tell.
patron 2: you need a special downward knob on your camera to take the food pic or it doesn't count.
patron 3: YOU CRACKED MY CRAB LEGS!!! i was playing with that! that was my Legos! that was my Playmobil!

* man: guys, i have somewhere VERY important to be. a bar.
mob: business meeting?
man: no i need to get hammered because reality is shit. look! fine! take my shoes, you rabid animals! but you must promise me one thing: you have to wash my feet after, it's only fair.
Haley Joel Osment, leader of the mob: okay, we'll buy the Bombas socks instead.
man: they give those out for free at soup kitchens.

* Haley: hey, can you wipe this windshield for us? the mob can't see. and where are the washer girls in jeans short shorts and bubbles coming out of their mouths?

* man: oh hey Maria Sharapova! what are you doing here!?
Maria: turns out i really like drugs. i don't drink.

* man: i have zero followers, two friends.
black friend: yeah, but your two friends are Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg.

* Miller Lite: you can only watch our content if you're a drunk. we're trying to come up with a catchphrase as iconic as IT'S MILLER TIME ever since Mueller turned out to be a bust. we were the first social media, so in honor, we are staying off social media for two weeks. in other words, we've been shadowbanned.

* Miller Lite: go outside and hang out with your two friends.
Phoenix: do you know how hot it is outside right now?
Miller Lite: we know but do it anyway. it's good exercise, sweat off half your body weight.
Phoenix: a few pounds? so i can pound a few of your cold ones? it's so hot i can't breathe…...something is wrong with our planet, folks...

CLICK HERE RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

happy weekend, my babies.

TOMORROW: The Cheez-It Pizza...…...i thought the crust would be a bunch of cheez-its but it turns out it's a pizza that looks like a huge cheez-it...huh...touche...i guess they win...