Friday, June 2, 2017



* Grandma Cyborg is canon.

* what can i say, Volkswagen brings the juice.

* the comments say this has a Pink Moon vibe to it. y'know, revoke my hipster card if you wish but i never got into the Nicks, Drake or Cave. they say i look like Drake tho...

* grandma: your grandfather spoke and i dictated this letter. your grandpa wasn't sexist, just of his time. isn't my penmanship beautiful?
kids: penmanship? the only pen we have is a stylus. you mean typing with ink?
grandma: no that's something else. handwriting?
kids: we need our other hand free...

* grandpa: i wanted to see this great country. gas up the getaway car, i was a bank robber...

* grandma: who the hell are you, little girl?
girl: i'm your granddaughter.
grandma: just don't kick the back of my seat, this is gonna be a LOOOOOOOONGGGGGG thing.

* grandma: let's make the most of it.
kids: we need to pee!
grandma: that's my line!

* father: put your seatbelt on, Grannie.
grandma: don't tell me what to do, son, you should have been a doctor.

* grandma: WILL THIS BRIDGE HOLD!!!?
father: we're on a road.
grandma: WILL THIS ROAD HOLD!!!?
father: for now. the Earth will implode into its molten core someday.

* mother: America is known for its butterflies and abandoned barns.
girl: just butterfly stickers. whoa, i found a stash in the abandoned barn!
mother: WHAT!!!?
girl: of snacks.

* older girl: Dad, stop the car, it's golden hour and i want to take a selfie with those buffalo before they go the way of the buffalo.
father: i'm not stopping this car! do you want me to stop this car? have your buffalo sandwiches when we get to Seattle.
mother: there is no food in Seattle...

* older girl: how did you and Grandpa meet?
grandma: blind date.
everyone laughs.
grandma: yesterday.
older girl: huh?
grandma: Tinder.

* father: son, let's have a talk while the two of us are alone in this abandoned car. see that bird over there? see that bee over there?
son: yes.
father: cool animals. now i will teach you how to use stick.
son: but this is an automatic.

* grandma: i wish he was on the trip with us.
father: Dad taught me how to rob banks.

* older girl: patty-cake, patty-cake...
girl: where's this food you promised?
older girl: i spy with my little eye...
girl: dust. Grandpa's dust.

* girl: i've never been to a desert that wasn't painted...

* father: this country is known for its massively-tall trees.
girl: taller than you, Daddy?

* father: didn't we have one other boy in the family?
boy: i left him spinning on that playground roundabout.
father: this isn't like when we're at home!

* the family at the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean.
girl: why are you crying, Grandma?
grandma: i can't swim.

* father: don't do it!
grandma: what?!
father: Dad said he wanted to be buried, not cremated!

* mother: why do you have an Irish accent?
grandma: i've always had this Irish accent.
mother: it's strange cos only you have it. nobody else in the family has it.

* y'know Garfunkel wrote all the songs. Simon gets all the credit cos he's the smaller man.

* grandma: wait just a darned minute! this letter is addressed to someone named Regina Flanders aka RF aka Road Floozy.
Federer: aka Roger Federer. i am your father.


happy weekend. can you believe there isn't a one Carrabba's in all of California? i guess it's Applebee's again. sigh

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