Monday, November 10, 2014

TMIT: LIKE A FINE-ASS WINE






1. do you think sex is less important after age 50? the only number that counts when it comes to sex is the number on your sleep number bed. age is just a number. sex is just a number that you tally on your bedpost. everyone needs love all the time, age or no age, in this age or that age, it's a scientific fact that those that love live longer. those that are loved live longest. that is from a university study and those are never wrong.

2. were you ever squeamish about sex? at what age range? in my twenties when i was just starting out as a sexually-awakened stud about campus. i had all the energy but none of the technique. a lady who lived above my dorm showed me the ropes of in and out and turning over and stuff. she was a hard taskmaster but i needed that to stay hard. she would say stuff to me like, "you're doing it wrong." she came up with that "you're doing it wrong" internet meme before anyone else, but she wasn't into taking credit at the time, she told me she'd take over the world in another way one day. i believe she said her name was Missy the Master of Sex...

3. when did you stop being squeamish and start to relax and enjoy sex? not until Aaron Rodgers went on the radio and told the Packer fans and me to R-E-L-A-X.

4. what is sex worth to you? $5.50 on a good night, dollar more for extras.

5. what do you seek in exchange for sex? a stress-free life. my life is so stressed right now each word i type is stress. my grammar-check is not happy with me. more than anything, i see sex as a way to relieve the tension in my back and mind, it's a release, a glorious glorious R-E-L-A-X RELEASE.

6. is your sex life better now or five years ago? i was more active five years ago but i don't know if that was a measure of how much sex i was having or the fact that back then i still walked around and went to bowling alleys and stuff. this was before my cyberbrain was installed. now i'm not active at all...

7. would you answer your mobile phone (a call or text) if it rang/dinged while you were having sex? yes cos it could be Missy with my next one. Missy is my pimp now.

bonus: what is the one thing you wish your love interest understood about you? please be patient with me. i'm trying. i'm insane in the membrane. i'm not all here, or there, or anywhere. my world is constantly in shatters, it takes time to pick up all the pieces, especially those little shards that are so small to be safe you have to just store them in your pocket. bear with me. bare with me? please? in the bed with the bedpost? i want you. i need you. bear with me while downloading...downloading update patch...bear with us...downloading bar is not yet all white...does not compute...wrong hardware for this software...shutting down...error 404...shutting down...shutting down...

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7 comments:

Omni Lust said...

I would definitely pay the extra dollar! Great post... XO

the late phoenix said...

omni: thank you. i'm thinking of adding a dollar menu ;)

Jules said...

So.... Phoenixeseseseseses...what can I get for a tenner? I just found one in my pocket amidst the shards, you see. *)

the late phoenix said...

juli: mah dahlin, for a tenner you get oral sex which, as Lena Dunham says, is talking about sex...*)

Jules said...

Lets talk *)

Cheeky Minx said...

Please tell me Missy the pimp is bring you a Cyber (Wo)Man to fondle in the dark.

That would be a silhouette worth ogling... ;-)

the late phoenix said...

cheeky: that gives a whole new meaning to tightening the screws :)