Monday, December 10, 2012

TMIT: 'TIS THE SEASON...FOR GUM DISEASE

well, in only a few hours, i go see my dentist, this could be the end, i could die from an infection started at the root of the excruciatingly painful right side of my jaw straight to my already-frenzied brain. funny thing is, i think the woman i'm gonna see is the star of all these local ads around here where i live featuring her and her dentist family, she's quite the babe, so at least she'll be gentle with me when the time comes, i've got that going for me as the time nears.
1. during the December holiday season, do you fuck out with another family, chill alone by yourself, kick it with the fam, or go to your secret-rendezvous lover? rendezvous IF IF IF somebody i know responds to my many non-stalkerish non-creepy emails. i use Crimbus to branch out, since i'm alone the rest of the 11 months.
2. what is your favorite holiday tradition each year? when i was young, i put on for my parents elaborate Christmas shows full of animatronic, Disneylandesque creatures and characters of my own creation, card games with the fam, candy and cocoa by the fire-break, and we'd end it all with some good Chipmunks holiday music. those were the days. now, well...
3. as you walk down the street a hot babe or gorgeous stud with a KISS ME sign is packin' some mistletoe. what's your next move? kiss, fuck, number, never see again
4. Santa sent you a frantic email detailing all of the naughty things you did this year as to why you're on the naughty list this year. what were those things? look, it was ONE time, man, let it go, Gramps, Mrs. Claus was shakin' that booty at me, man, i mean, y'know, i'm just a guy...bowl full of my jelly...
5. your punishment is that you have to, are forced to, learn about holiday cheer, you're locked in a room and can't get out until you watch an entire film on the subject, no food or water, which movie do you choose? A Christmas Story, It's A Wonderful Life, White Christmas, A Christmas Carol, either the 1938 original or the 1992 Muppets version: all of these films have been blogged to death, but the one thing i like about this question as it is originally on the wordpress site is the links to youtube trailers and clips, that is so ME, without youtube, this blog wouldn't be as colorful as it is, there's already too much black-and-white doom-and-gloom from the author, those exciting links to youtube vids full of others' comments from around the world always color these blog proceedings, don't they? this is a quandary for me, of course i'd have to go with the 1938 original, nothing beats the classics and the FIRST ONES, i have to be a film-critic-historian-asshole on that one, BUT at the same time, we're talking about the Muppets here, Jim Henson, the god of creativity...also, we're talking about the '90s here, which, as everyone knows, was THE decade of original thought and creativity, so...yeah...tough one...
bonus: the holidays are hectic, especially on one's teeth, so what do you do to "chill" and "heat things up" during this snow month? i hear ya about the teeth. i want my personal wish to come true, i want a stable lover, not necessarily a stable of lovers, but one plane stable lover, but i suppose i'm still human, so i want my global human wish to come true: peace on earth (until Melancholia hits us), and good will to men (and women, sexy sexy women). that's how i chill, by projecting my tiny problems onto the world with grand beauty-pageant stock answers. things are about to "heat up" for me now, i'm gonna get some unexpected emails from sexy womens from all over the world...god bless us, every head, uh, everyone.
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6 comments:

PaganPrincess said...

My friends and I found the 92 Kermit voice VERY disappointing. Thankfully Kermit is closer to how we remember him from our childhoods' these days.

funny as always. thanks for playing!

Kazi G said...

I often feel that way about the dentist too ;)

I hope all your wishes come true, baby :)

:*

~Kazi xxx

AtiyaLuv said...

Great answers as usual!! hehehe
you always manage to put a smile upon this lips Mr. Phoenix.

Aluv

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Jack and Jill said...

Interestingly, the Muppet film is the only one I've never seen.

-Jack

the late phoenix said...

pagan: Kermit found out Piggy was a bad lay...

kazi: proceeding with post-root-canal typing proceedings...

atiya: thing is, MY lips are in danger of becoming extinct after this dentist visit.

anon: once i saw "genital warts", i immediately approved your comment.

j: see everything Muppets, it will make you want to become a puppeteer...not the Elmo guy, y'know, but, yeah...