Wednesday, December 21, 2011
HNT: CHIPMUNKED FOR CHRISTMAS
first, click on a seemingly normal christmas card to mercifully end the series
THEN, CLICK HERE FOR AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh dave, don't be hard on alvin, don't be so hard on the little scamp, all alvin wants is his motherfucking hula hoop. i mean, what kind of heartless father, or, well, caretaker anyway, if you don't factor in the furry sex, lets his rodent son go through life without the sensation of swinging his hips back and forth in a circular motion? it is everyone's god-given right, EVERYONE'S, to experience the sensation of thrusting your middle-trunk no-no place danger zone back and forth and up and down and swirling, it's an unalienable right...even for aliens.
maybe that was it. maybe that was what went wrong with me. like alvin wanting his hula hoop and later his golden harmonica in that christmas tv special with the ill little boy, did you watch that special show on monday? what was wrong with the little boy anyway? they never said. fever, cough, Plague? maybe if i had gotten my "hula hoop" when i was a kid, which for me was a certain gun that was gonna shoot my eye out, maybe then i would have carried on happily and not needed the services of a blog. i would venture out into the world blissfully unaware of having to type about this exploit of mine and that exploit of mine, gun in hand. okay, i never really wanted a toy gun, i hate guns to be honest, i'm more of a video-game light zapper gun NRA man. what i really wanted for christmas, *here come the tears*, get ready for some major cheese, some the-REAL-meaning-of-christmas hokey declarations from yours truly: what i really wanted for christmas all those years ago was for my family to stay together, me and my three brothers: simon, the smart one; theodore, the fat-yet-happy one who always raped my cookie collections; and of course Dear Leader Alvin, may he rest in peace, his body wrapped in red silks with a giant yellow A stamped on the silks. i still can't believe it's been six years now. that damn wood-chipper...yeah, we tore apart that wood-chipper after the incident like there was no tomorrow, that thing is beyond destroyed now, but you can't erase what happened, what's done is done.
i am a chipmunk, i am a chipmunk who uses his tiny hands and feet to type a blog, a blog which has followers...
what? jesus who?
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!