Monday, December 26, 2011

THE COOL GRANDMA








all i want for christmas are my two best gilfs



FIRST, CLICK HERE, AND THEN LET'S TALK



are you a cool grandma? what would YOU do when presented with an offer of a blood orgy? grandmas all speak in wise tongues, words laced with years and years of pain, disappointment, and *the ways of the world*. what comes across as funny or strange or out-of-place when a grandma says a cool hip phrase like "dogg" or "heezy" or "off the chain" or *i fucked better than you when i was a virgin*, to the grandma it's just life and telling it like it is. the platitude is to respect your elders simply because they are old and frail and can't move or think anymore because of a long, hard-lived life. i say the platitude becomes a reality, dare say i?, no, it becomes an opportunity, a NECESSITY, you must learn the lingo of your grandma and the rest of the crazy cats at the nursing home in order for YOURSELF to be cool among your peers. believe me, if there's a new catchphrase out there in the cyber ether, Grandma has already heard it and inserted it into her latest rant against the government. in fact, she CREATED that catchphrase, as you'll learn by hacking later. if there's a new gadget, a new tech device, Grandma's on it before you with a cooler-sounding screen handle than yours, LADY FIRE BUSH beats SUPREME HACKER any day, she probably charmed her way into a discount from the nice young man at the sell counter. that reminds me, didn't get the tech device i wanted from santa this year, still ipad2-less, maybe i'll ask my own Grandma to rise from the dead and kick that sorry fat red elf's ass...again




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11 comments:

Vincent Vega said...

I love that grandma with the gun. So awesome! I hope when the zombie apocalypse happens, she is in my bunker.

KaziGrrl said...

OMG the look on Grammie's face was PRICELESS!!! XD

And I love the grammies you have pictured here!!!

I am nowhere near being a grammie yet but I hope to hell to be an uber-cool one!! ;)

~Kazi xxx

The Bipolar Diva said...

ok, the grandma with the tats has made me resolve to stop with the ink! Well, maybe only for a bit....it's so addicting!.

the late phoenix said...

vince: 2012 is THE year, the ancient mayans predicted zombies

kazi: babe, you are more young and vibrant than i am, and yes, i did sell my soul on the black market a long time ago

bipolar: oh no, sexy, you get as many of those sexy tats as you want, you sexy thing. did i mention that i think you're sexy?

nitebyrd said...

I have no grandchildren that I know of yet but I am extremely cool. Getting a gift of True Blood would have been a perfect gift for me but I'm overjoyed with the gift certificate to the tattoo parlor!

the late phoenix said...

nite: that i know of, ha! hey, whenever you want, i'd love to go to the ol' parlor to re-color some of my tats and maybe get some new ink done while you're getting yours, let's call it a date.

btw, do you think that old grandma in the ad is really religious? i'm guessing she was a fangbanger before that term was cool

Cat said...

I laughed the first time I saw that commerical on TV. Damn, the thought of getting old and "out of it"..upsets me..I am a grandma, my gson is 18mos. old. I will teach him whatever I can, looking forward to it. Take him to get his first tat, IF I feel like it!

the late phoenix said...

cat: the family that tats together stays together. it's cool, i'm out of it most of my life...

nancy said...

I'm a grandmom of 9 months.. and darned hot too.
Those granny faces are a hoot~~

the late phoenix said...

do tell, hot nancy, do tell! nice to meetcha

viemoira said...

I aspire to be the 1st Gram.