Wednesday, November 30, 2011
HNT: I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE: I AM, IN FACT, KEANU REEVES
dudes, first click on me on my bad hair day, uh, bad sad day, to start up a brand new shiny series, bro!
it's me, keanu, it's really me here, check my facebook and twitter. i have legions of adoring fans, some are human, most are animal, but on that one particular day, i was so dejected after a breakup that not even the poundcake i was eating there tasted good, and poundcake always tastes good to me, so that was a major bummer. because of my bad filming schedule and all the forces of the Cosmic Wave in the Sky coming together at just the right moment, that picture of me was taken, and now i'm an internet meme, and i'm done. i mean, you can't get more famous than being an internets meme, once you achieve that, you live on forever, you're immortal, you're greater than the great philosophers and thinkers and writers of our time. hell, this made me cooler than when i was an actual movie star. eat your heart out, shakespeare and sartre, and that nifty derrida guy.
okay, okay, let's bring it down, this one goes out to all the ladies out there:
CLICK HERE AND LET'S LOVE EACH OTHER A LITTLE HARDER AFTER
did that do it for you? i'm keanu, of course it did. yeah, paula is still my girl, y'know? i have had EXCELLENT ADVENTURES, air-guitaring it with Ol' Abe Lincoln right before he...well, y'know...travelled to those debates. good times, RIP Abe Man, you live on at least in my heart, Abester. i also taught the world that this world is a joke, it's a facade, it's all the Matrix controlling things, so yeah, there's no more need for school and books, just take your Pills and you'll be fine. then there was the time i looked good taking letters out of my mailbox in that one movie, i remember a fall setting of some sort, that was some great sci-fi romance, that's a new sickening genre emerging these days, huh? the sci-fi time-travel romance drama that never makes sense, but hell, i love it, i got paid for that, so whatever. i'm keanu, the baddest mother on the planet, and i'll be sad when i want to.
like the emo song long-ass post title? yeah, that was me, too. LOVE YA, SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY BLOGGER PEEPS!!!!!