Wednesday, October 19, 2011



first, click on the best damn OJ this side of Mars for #3 in the series


some recent texting activity of mine:

boytoy1345: it's me again, i know that you love me, you're just too scared. i really think we can make this work, i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and god dammit, YOU like me, so i matter. please return my calls, i've limited myself to calling you just 45 times a day now, i'm cutting back, like that liquid-only diet we were supposed to go on together up in the Andes. that was the trip that was gonna save us, gonna mask all of the inconsistencies, lies, and deep problems with our relationship. btw, i'm a girl, don't let my username fool you, see i want a boy toy, that's why i used that name, anyway, oh no, not that YOU'RE just a pretty boy toy to me, you're my everything. it's me, janna, your woman, your only woman

me: let me ride

therealnigerianprince87: this is not a scam, i repeat: this is not a scam. i am a REAL nigerian prince in desperate need of your desperate services. only you can help save my kingdom. now you may ask why i bothered to ask such a lowly, i mean salt-of-the-earth nobody like yourself for aid, well, i see something in you that even you don't. i see the fierce need to please others, to make something of yourself. all of the jocks at school beat you up, all of the babes never asked you out, but you are unique and special, that's what the Bible says, i'm assuming you're Christian, anyway, i believe in your Bible. so just do what we talked about, wire a million dollars into that swiss bank account number i gave you, and all will be well. if you don't, i'll REALLY spill the beans on your Obama and his nigerian roots and connections!!!

me: LET ME RIDE!!!

loseweightfeelgreat098: haven't gotten laid in a while? it's not your fault. well, it is kinda your fault, because you haven't bought the latest in a line of new SWEATER VESTS!!! sweater vests, baby, it's better than viagra, i know, you're sick of those enhancement spam emails, we over at Big's Department Store are, too. our sweater vests come in all styles and colors, black for your mood, white for your skin (assuming), gray for the atmosphere outside, yellow and sunny for a life you'll never have unless you buy a sweater vest: half-off, we're slashing prices, don't slash your wrists just yet...each vest comes with a free gallon of weight-loss powder (we're assuming you're fat)




shibari said...

i just had a nigerian pretend to be a American Soldier who promptly asked me for 200 dollars to bring his daughter to the place he was in Baghdad.
Um ... ok
Love your elbow :) kisses for the elbow!!!

Molly said...

Seems like you are keen for a ride ;)


A Daft Scots Lass said...

My favourite colour

Cheeky Minx said...

After the ride, after we drown in juice and Live, can I slide down your orange racing stripe, babe?

(PS Weight loss 'powder'? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?!)

KaziGrrl said...

"A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine"
Please tell me you get more stimulating emails than those in your inbox!


~Kazi xxx

the late phoenix said...

shibs: watch out, those nigerian princes keep up with pop culture

molly: bill o'reilly taught me that if you shout something at the top of your lungs, it becomes more right

daft: and i love your red

cheeky babes: VROOM VROOM...yeah, powder, smelling salts, y'know, crack cocaine

kazi: i youtubed that, hilarious commercial with the orange bird and anita bryant, ha!

boneman said...

the picture reminded me of Hawaii.

(try to imagine Don Ho singing tiny bubbles)

Hairy elbows...
Holding legs.

OK, that's all I got.
HHNT, anyway, guy1


Sxybklvr said...

Happy HHNT! Stopping by to check you out. ;)

viemoira said...

Dr Dre? OK!

*takes fingers and runs them down the black and yellow lines+ "weeeeeeeeeeeeee" Happy HNT! :)

Elle said...

I wanna ride too. With my best friend :P

Anonymous said...

Texting activity = *confused* , but hey, simply orange is cool so whatever.
Did you ride?

Missed Periods said...

Sweater vest are pretty hot. I'm just sayin'.

the late phoenix said...

bone: never been to hawaii, want suddenly to go before i die, one last taste of that coconut milk

sxy: hi, thanks for visiting. that reminds me, it's time for a self-check

vie: it's sexy chutes and ladders, the game where the first one to cum wins

elle: me?

pocket: okay, the simply juices, i rank them as follows: 1. apple, then orange, then grapefruit, then lemonade, maybe switch the lemonade with the grapefruit

missed: not as hot as you. the thing is, is a sweater vest good enough to stop a suicide?

Philosophia said...

lol, hilarious texts. and OJ is quite exquisite, ins't it, even if it is the silent, citrusy killer? ;)

the late phoenix said...

sophia: citrusy killer > cereal killer

hi babe, glad to see you're still alive!