GINA IN THE GRAND SHADOWS: I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR LUIS!!!

 

as i continue spying on my sister's phone call to Gina Little, Gina starts mentioning the word Luis in every sentence she uses...

Lipton unsweetened iced-tea powder: dad iced tea...

Jillian Clare and her boyfriend Jasper are naked in nothing but flip-flops atop a rockface at Yosemite overlooking a rapidly calm river.

Jasper: do you see how desperately i suck onto your face when i kiss your cheek? i ain't losing you.

Jillian Clare: the goal is to moan at the same time.

Jasper: think of me not just as a black man, but as a slack man. as a man with hair like Frank-N-Furter's fro from Rocky Horror.

Jillian: don't worry about all that, you have me. 

Jasper: my concern is lifted. and my cock is in your butt. i'm sweating bullets over here, boss woman!!! i never thought my body would be in this position!!!

Jillian: let's keep it down, we don't want to alert all these rock-climbing tourists around us.

Jasper: let's not give all the stupid climbing TikTok influencers no work!!!

Jillian sweating lady bullets: rockfluencers? sadly, it's not music.

Blood and Donuts: kiwis became a thing in the '90s...

Morrissey at Jen's deck party: Zima was 7 Up but weird. the first cooler? I was the first cooler!!!

cactus: you don't need to take care of me and i give you soda, i'm like your hippie aunt in Fresno.

Michael Weiss: okay here's the Instagram trick: send that meme to her at 6:30AM, it's the first thing she sees in the morning. she's in bed, in bra and panties, negligee blowing in the wind, her hair sexily disheveled...

Nirvana: you don't hate us. you can't hate us. everyone subconsciously likes this band.

Richard Gere: meditation.

Cindy Crawford: mediation.

Embrace of the Vampire: it's the Price Is Right yodelayheehoo Alps mountain climber!!!...

Grace Jones: when i have sex with you, we're done by 10PM...

Madonna: where did all that grinding get you? huh?!!! nowhere, that's where.

Lucio Rossi: i lived in the actual Knots Landing, Granada Hills. there are donkeys in Devon?

Carlos Alcaraz: look at my tank top, when i play tennis i'm really going swimming...

Lucky: our donuts are sandpaper but there are two of them. this donut tastes so bad but you stare at those TALL Lucky aisles munching on that hard-as-rock donut on the side of the good guys...

Michael Weiss: there is such a CHASM between talking to a woman on Instagram and actually being in her life...

Michael Weiss: this is how i start off my conversations with women on Instagram: "how's your marriage going?..."

He-Man singing the He-Man intro song: "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10..."

Poison Ivy: unlike Twilight, we had the guts to have a forest sex scene!!!

Emma Navarro: i am Jes Pegula.

Jessica Pegula: and i am Em Navarro.

Celebrity Cruises: you burn your poached duck in the oven, so you decide to have your date night on a cruise ship: this is a problem that affects all couples.

Round Table Pizza: every high school student learns to drive in our parking lot doing donuts in their Pinto.

Aryna Sabalenka: listen, i am not a pothead. but i do carry in my tennis bag two dimebags of Wimbledon grass for the number of Wimbledons i want to win.

Monroe Ficus wearing a striped shirt: where's Waldo? right here, in your heart.

me: it's just so strange to picture Gina with a man, Gina with her own fella. she never had a boyfriend as long as i've known her, she was always the odd duck out.........oh, i suppose she was saying San Luis Obispo? where she lives now? yeah i wish she hadn't moved down there so far away.