notes:
* hailing: you only HAIL from Chicago. nobody hails from any other city but Chicago...
* The Weather Channel: we've impacted exactly 1 quadrillion lives.........this is a number that can be scientifically quantified...
* the Mandalorian: don't worry, i'm from a TV show, i'm not AI...
* Gillian Anderson at Dana Scully's Quantico graduation: remember, follow your dreams, not your boyfriend's. Dana Scully and Fox Mulder won't be girlfriend/boyfriend for a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time...
* Willie from Stranger Than Paradise: Steamboat, not Groundskeeper nor Loman.........i'm turning a corner here in Budapest...
* Bjork: Eingleoi? HELL NO!!! being single SUCKS. why do you think i became a musician? there are only so many toadstools i can touch with my maiden mushroom at the Black Lake...
* Greykid: i gave Cy the kitten my third eye. no cat wants to be a cyclops...
* Leslie Sbrocco at Taste & Sip in San Francisco.
Leslie Sbrocco holding a large new shiny wine glass of diamond: cheers.
Jacques Pepin: stop it with the "cheers," stop that crap, you say that all the time, constantly, it's annoying. we get it, you're a lush. can i taste & sip your big tits? what does your butt look like? we never see your butt on TV. is it cute like my wife's butt? this hotel looks like the Imperial Senate from Star Wars. buttfucking Leslie Sbrocco your crepe suzette, anal with Leslie Sbrocco your soggy baguette. i don't do eateries, i do restaurants on cruise ships. i work Oceania cruise lines, that boatline bottomed me. salty ship tears fall on my Francopenis as i take off my chef hat for the crowd. it's not rose wine unless it has an accent. bouillabaisse is French not American Orleans...
Leslie: why are you surly this morning, Jacques? you're muttering very softly.
Jacques: i'm French. my wife died.
* Raheb: the American Gladiators monk. the one from South Central L.A. Amy Winehouse successfully completed rehab at a mosque.
* Eva from Stranger Than Paradise: oh yeah i also like that show Eureka on the Sci-Fi Channel...
* Michael Weiss: what's going on? i know it's summer but literally NOBODY picked up their phone.........on Instagram DM...
* split foyer: when you want to get kinky. hanky-panky on the stairs...
* Sam Egan: all sci-fi anthology series on TV have that one episode about an old curiosity shop and the eccentric shopkeeper who works there...
* Doryce: the Crone of Cawdor? can't say i remember her.
Gladyce: don't you, dear? she made the most delicious potato chowder. burned my throat.
Doryce: did she laugh like a crow? that was before my time. 1960s brooms instead of electric paper straws.
Gladyce: those brooms were bra-burning brooms, very important to our sisterhood, using fire for good...
* Dev Shah: psammophile. nothing to do with the Psalms, i don't read the Bible. next time, just say beachlover. i don't keep sand under my bed, i'm not THAT hardcore a Gaara fan. tho i do admire him. $50,000? that's it? that's barely enough to get a plane ticket out of Florida to Hollywood. as you know, everybody's leaving Florida...
* Groundskeeper Willie: i came up with Flamin' Hot Cheetos...
* Marisa Dargahi: everyone eventually ends up going to Ithaca College...
* Golden Corral.
woman: chicken tenders.
man: baby back ribs.
woman: chicken tenders.
man: baby back ribs.
other man: we're missing it, friends. look at us, this is the PERFECT THREESOME...
* neighbor: what the fuck is a brookie?
other neighbor: i can't hear you, i'm in a hammock in my FRONT yard. all the beaches are gone because of global warming.
* Sadie from Verizon: summer love never lasts. summer romances NEVER work out, they always fizzle. if you're starting up a romance in June, know that by August this is NOT the person you're gonna marry...
* Revlon: strangely, our albino line is the most popular...
* iPhone health data: Harry here has genital warts. Henrietta pees when she coughs. this couple are pregnant...
man: you're pregnant?!!! you didn't tell me!!! stop eating those Flamin' Hot Cheetos!!!
iPhone: and this one has never exercised, yoga pants make EVERYONE look good. don't touch that button, Karen Gillan, we know ALL THE MEN you've dated...
* Peloton: grannies have the cutest booties.........grannies have the cutest butts...
Jacques Pepin: ...
* GEICO.
woman: we're poor. we come from the lower-middle-class iron-worker factory towns that support the Pittsburgh Penguins and where hockey originated. so we can't afford that expensive red lamp for our goals. does that red lamp come from Las Vegas? light the lamp means the stove pilot light, once a year for a supper that's hot. red light is good for bonsai trees. my hair used to be brown but it turned red when i became a hockey mom...
* Amazon Prime.
woman: i'm gonna get a revenge body!!!
man: yeah well i'm gonna get a revenge dress!!!
one week later...
man and woman: see that's the thing about us as a couple, we have no other friends, it's just the two of us, only the two of us look at our videos and posts...
* GEICO
Geico Gecko: your house is lovely.
woman: thank you, it looks like the Imperial Senate from Star Wars.
Will Arnett: is this the audition for the Miami Vice reboot?...
* Walgreens: let's cut to the quick, we have the diabetes vaccine. come at 5AM for it, while supplies last...
Wilford Brimley crashes his cocoon into the roof of Walgreens...
Pasqually: do i have to give up sweets?
Walgreens: you can only eat plain donuts.
old man: you're a cute pharmacist!!!
pharmacist: thanks. want help with your cyber-arm?...
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: three words: Doheny Sweet Heat, iykyk
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