GOD'S SPELL: THE RILL

 

at a stone courtyard much like the business section of Downtown Los Angeles with all the office space, there is no fountain, there's a flat lake in the middle called a rill.

Debralee Scott in bead bracelets: much like a college quad.

Bart Braverman his hair parted with an eggbeater: but much funner, it's theatre!!! a braver man than i introduced me to musical theatre, my father, who was the first Eeyore on Broadway........oh, speaking of my father, who's this husky gentleman next to you? i didn't know you had a boyfriend.

Jonathan Frakes: yeah i guess i'm hers now. 

Debralee: we met on the tilt-a-whirl.

Jonathan: Riker needed to fly.

Bart, crying: well, good for you, you ginger freak. you.........red animal.

Debralee: hey don't be sore, there's still a week left. 

Bart: Godspell. we do Godspell inside this white building on a stage in minutes. can you hear that godawful sound? it's the actors clearing their throats.

Jonathan: Gospel? 

Bart: every actor and actress does Godspell before their big break, or before joining a game show, it's a requirement.

Jonathan: i don't trust musical theatre. musical theatre is suspicious to me.

Debralee: aw come on, hoss, give it a go. try it, you'll like it. have some fun, you're so stiff!!!

Jonathan: i can't walk right...

Victor Garber: my heart was especially shattered and downtrodden when 9/11 happened. we did a whole song-and-dance number on the roof of the North Tower of the Twin Towers for the move of Godspell in 1973.

Bart: yes i remember, i was TERRIFIED of dancing on that roof, the railing was paper thin, i was scared of tiptoeing right over the edge!!!

Victor: you have to be willing to die for your art, otherwise what's the point?

Ireland: for genuine Guinness.

New York Yankees cap: only wear this away from the ballpark if you're famous...

Knudsen: milk in the '80s in Los Angeles...

me: i want to wear my spring pants, it's spring.

Jen R: but your spring pants are grey jogging pants, you cum in your pants at night and leave a giant noticeable wet spot in the day for all to see!!!

me: what's the solution?

Jen: wear your NAVY BLUE jogging pants at night, god knows the armed forces would boot you out if you joined. the wet spot won't show.

me: together with these grey jogging pants, my grey socks, my off-white sneakers, and my dark-white shirt, i'm Greyman!!!

Jackie Fitzgerald holding a Palm Sunday palm: i heard you had a birthday?

me: March 22, just passed.

Jackie: *thinking to herself* great, am i gonna have to make this idiot a birthday dinner again?

me: can i see your tits?

Jackie: oh that's it? okay a quick flash, Walker's next door sleeping, he'll rev up his motorcycle in minutes...

landlord: play cards with your landlord at his apartment on a Friday night, it'll really help you down the road...

rubber cement: mystical glue to us kids in the '80s.

Gladyce: i don't mind soup for lunch AND dinner. not for breakfast tho.

Bassmasters: who the FUCK watches stout country boys in a rowboat sitting on a river for three hours?

Takeru Kobayashi: gotta bring back that Japanese fisher.

Jim Cantore: need a job?

Takeru Kobayashi: i can predict tsunamis...

Jim Cantore: i can eat my weight in cocktail weenies.

Jacques Pepin: wait, another Jacques?

Jacques Torres: ...

Jacques Pepin: i am SHOCKED by your Jacques!!!

Jacques Torres: you just made me wet myself and cry. that's a pee spot on my pants.

Jacques Pepin: dude, don't wear jeans when you're cooking with Julia Child, have some class.

Julia Child: let me kiss the soup first...

capers: peas that taste good.

Claudine Pepin: i most definitely take after my father, not my mother. i got French tits, not American tits, my tits are sneaky big...

Elaine Giftos: i'm a gift to us all...

Willem Dafoe: i did The Last Temptation of Christ and Antichrist...

Bullock's: not Buttocks.

Sandra Bullock: picture me as a Monty Python Roman soldier...

Bullock's: you only shopped in me for socks.

Montgomery Ward: where you took your first family photo. you, a toddler, autumn leaves in the background, holding either a blue mini football or that Sailor Moon wand with the blinking lights.

Dan Redican: if Mitch English went into acting...

inside the auditorium.

Jonathan: the fuck is this shit, man? Pasqually form Chuck E. Cheese is in the company?

Debralee: no that's Gallagher. Bart is kinda cute up there doing his thing. 

Bart: *interrupting his big number* you only like me because i'm up here...

Debralee: a song-and-dance man who's straight? that's the stuff.