LUCID OLD MAN: WAIT TIL YOU'RE OLD TO LIVE

 

dad: creature, i listen to your prayers. don't wish for things to be reversed, it's not fair to your mom, it's not her fault things are the way they are.

me: i know. but i am so TIRED.

dad: it won't be forever. it may seem like it's taking 100 years, but after the 100 years, it ends. everything ends...

Indiana Jones  parkouring pyramids: how does my hat stay on? trade secret involving a baldcap and a stapler. if you call me a heretic one more time i'll disappear into this sand waterfall.

Selsun Blue: that '80s YMCA shower smell...

Mac: i like my men like i like my towels: frilly.

Oprah: you wouldn't lie to me, would ya Lance?

Lance Armstrong: i mean it is DIFFICULT to lie straight to Oprah's face like that. to look into her dewy eyes and not be sincere.........people think i died five years ago...

Love Death + Robots "Suits": have you ever seen a trucker hat with a merry-go-round on it?...

Love Death + Robots: we REALLY like cats...

relationship: two people talking.

Black Books: three characters not enough? just add a fourth random guy who was at the bookshop to play poker and the jazz sax, changes the whole group dynamic...

Bermuda onion: Epcot Center...

Lane Kiffin: with my personality i really should just go back to USC and stay there...

Drew Barrymore: so we're going back to the '90s? Poison Ivy should be the fashion plate we all follow, HER clothes, not Cher Horowitz's clothes.

the Buffalo Bills: you would think we'd've been one of the original two NFL teams...

the Gilmore Girls theme song: sounds like the Gimme a Break! theme song...

Brother Peewit: i was the only monk in attendance at King Charles's AI summit because being in the Medieval cartoon Smurfs, i am naturally British...

King Charles: i am here today to warn of the dangers of AI.

Brother Peewit: and i am here in my capacity as representative of the people, i'm advocating on behalf of humanity, to keep humanity. to save the world.

Bill Nye: same as me but we're on opposite ends of the spectrum...

Brother Peewit: the only way we can escape AI might be we'd have to all hide in monasteries...

they're gaining on us!!!: the word gaining is only used in this car-chase scenario.

Nell Carter: i'm gaining on you. i'll soon be the same weight as all you skinny daughters in this family i tend i am NOT jealous of...

trash can: is a trash can a trash can if it is never emptied?...

Tamsin Greig: if there's ever a biopic of Everything but the Girl...

Velvet on PBS: i told you a drama about Macy's would work...

me: why don't you ever come to me in my dreams?

dad: phrasing.

me: why don't you visit me in the dreamworld?

dad: but i'm that spider on the toilet every morning you go to the bathroom your bare toes in the hot-pink shag-carpet bathmat at 5AM AFTER your dreaming.

me: wait, that's you? YOU'RE SPIDER-SAMA?!!!