THE LATE PHOENIX: I WANTED TO BE FAMOUS. INSTEAD, I HAVE THIS BLOG.
Monday, September 24, 2012
TMIT: "DONATING" TO THE SEX-A-THON
1. who is your closest celebrity look-alike? and who do you think is sexier, you or the celeb? i've been pondering this for ages: mix one part Joseph Gordon-Levitt with two parts Antonio Banderas and you get me, only handsomer...kind of, not really, but kind of, it's not an exact match by any stretch. the bag lady at the homeless shelter where i stay never fails to greet me in the morning with a taunt of how ugly i am, but then i go home to Mom and she tells me i'm sexy, so that makes me feel better.2. who is the hottest male AND female celebrity you can think of? and if the opportunity presented itself, would you have sex with them? male: Gilbert Gottfried, when that man closes his eyes, i close my eyes, ya feel me? now with female i could go with the boring standards like Natalie Portman or Jessica Alba, but the hottest celebrity i know is Ms. B. sex? sure, if she'd have me...3. what celebrity do you fantasize about but wouldn't admit it to your friends? i have no friends, but i'll play along: i'm just gonna give you a two-word clue: HARRY POTTER, that's it, you determine the rest, guess what my fantasy is...yes, wands are used...4. have you ever watched a leaked celebrity sex tape? who was/were it/they and what did you think? what would you have done differently if you were in the video with them? yes, i've seen them all, i've blogged about them all in the past, i wouldn't be the same well-rounded individual if i hadn't watched them repeatedly, discussed them, dissected them, studied them, analyzed them, and psychoanalyzed them. i'm happy right now. what i'd do differently? more cum, lots more cum, gallons of cum, it always never hurts to increase the goo load.5. does your partner know about your celebrity crush and has he/she given you the okay to fuck that celebrity you have the hots for? who is their, your partner's, celebrity person like that? this is all just a dream, though, right? we all dream about fucking the dude or gal on the silver screen, but it's never gonna happen in real life...that's how stalkers are formed, folks.6. if you could choose anyone in the world to have dinner with, who would it be and what would you give them for dessert? Dostoevsky, 'cause the dude has style, he pimps that massive beard like a motherfucking playa, he bags all the black-and-white ladies, the old-timey babes, and his writing is second to none, i want to be Dostoevsky-famous, not Paris-Hilton-famous, i want to be famous for my deep novels, poems, plays, television scripts, film screenplays, and short stories. he's dead? hmmmm, prep the porn camera. dessert? strawberry shortcake, that's how you know it's "dessert" and not "desert", the two s's in "dessert" stand for strawberry shortcake.bonus: if you were offered the million dollar indecent proposal, what would be your answer and why? a thousand times yes, 'cause i always wanted to wake up naked on a bed of money, paper money, not coins, the coins would be impromptu butt plugs for me, that would hurt...hey, is it a million dollars after taxes or before taxes?CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY.